Amy and Melissa's Family Blog

Yellow

2011-06-16T20:21:00.003-04:00

June will be black.

Pink

2011-05-04T09:06:00.008-04:00

We have decided to join into An Offering of Love's 2011 Color Photography Project. The month of April was the color pink.

I find this extremely ironic because as soon as April ended Jackson was diagnosed with pink eye.

Bye Bye

2011-04-26T09:44:00.002-04:00

Jackson has started telling us when he's ready for bed. It's AWESOME! We'll be doing our bedtime routine of a bottle and books when all of a sudden he'll say "bye bye" and start waving. At first we were completely confused about what he was doing but now when he does this we put him in his crib and tell him good night. Then the whole time we are walking out of the room he lays in his crib waving and whispering bye bye. When we close the door we don't hear a peep from him until morning. I have to repeat myself and say it's AWESOME!

Crazy Boy with the Crazy Hair. Bub Bye

2011-04-04T21:25:00.004-04:00

As a baby Jackson had the craziest hair. It would always be sticking up on end and for a while he was sporting a full on mohawk. As he's gotten older and his hair longer it's started to fall. There are those off days though if he sleeps on it just so or if his hair hasn't completely dried from the night before, a bit of the old Jackson crazy hair comes out to play.

Best Weekend

2011-04-03T22:28:00.001-04:00

I had the best weekend!! The weather was actually pretty good most of the weekend and we took full advantage by taking Jackson to the park many many times.

The last time he was at the park he was 8 months old or so. The park adventure mostly consisted of the swing. Now that he's walking the park has become this whole new world of fun. He runs around, looks over and under things, is obsessed with the slide and points excitedly up in the air and says his own version of airplane.

I can't wait until next weekend when we can go back again.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Moving 2.0

2011-04-02T21:17:00.001-04:00

Let me set the stage. We moved to Toronto in September and decided to rent a house for a year. It is by no means our dream house but it had an outdoor space for Campbell and a couple other items that were on our must list so here we are.

Cut to the beginning of February and our landlord knocks on our door as we are about to head out for Jackson's birthday party. He explains he'd like to talk to us and we agree on a day for him to return. Whenever your landlord wants to speak with you it can never be good and when he came back around a couple days later carrying a bottle of wine I knew we were screwed.

So apparently, our landlord had gotten a permit the year before to do work on our house but because of the market decided to rent it out instead. When going to renew the permit he was told no and he would need to start work by the end of June or lose the permit. So basically us living here was a huge problem.

However, our landlord, aka Daddy Warbucks also owns the house next door and has asked if we would be willing to move one house over. After looking at the house (which is nicer than ours), haggling on the rent and listing out a few other items we wanted it was all set.

So there you have it, our second move within a year. But this time it will only be a few feet to the east rather than thousands of miles north.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ketchup

2011-04-01T08:25:00.002-04:00

Let me start off by saying no we are not dead, yes I still have my arms and fingers and no my computer has not been infected with some horrible virus. My initial reaction is to say we've been busy but when I read stories like A Story of Two Moms that excuse just comes off as incredibly lame so I will make no excuses.

So much has happened in the time I last wrote:
- Jackson had his first birthday
- We had a house full of grandparents come for a visit
- We experienced a month of sickness
- We found out we are moving...again
- Jackson is a running and "talking" machine

With so much to catch up on and being that horrible blogger that I am I've challenged myself to post everyday for the month of April to get back in the swing of things. So until tomorrow here is a recent picture of Jackson. He's starting to look like an actual kid!

Rants and Confessions

2011-01-28T08:14:00.007-05:00

Rant: Before having Jackson I never noticed how lazy people are. Now I see it everyday. What irritates me most is when able bodied, seemingly healthy people push the little handicap button to open the doors instead of god forbid actually having to manually pull/push on the door itself. The other thing that chaps my ass is when people go out of their way just to take an elevator down one flight when the stairs or an escalator are nearby. Amy just rolls her eyes everytime I bring this up and basically just tells me to get over it because it's really not impacting me that people are doing this. Well now I can officially say I have been affected!!

Every morning Jackson and I have to take an elevator down from the outdoors to the subway.I have to use the elevator because I have Jackson in a stoller and I look like a pack mule with all the bags I'm having to carry. Well yesterday I'm pushing Jackson in his stroller (outdoors) and am heading to the elevator which has just arrived at ground level. Five able bodied women pile in the elevator leaving no room for me, Jackson or the stroller. As Jackson and I stand there in the cold staring in disbelief one of the women hits the "Close Door" button on the elevator!! Normally I would have been irritated. But the fact that these women had no problem leaving a baby outside in the cold so they didn't have to walk down a flight of stairs left me enraged. I'm sure people around me must have thought I was an idiot but I don't care. I could tell by how they were avoiding eye contact with me that they heard me yelling at them about how ashamed they should all be feeling.

Confession: I hear it all the time, "My kid loves going to daycare". Most of the time I think that these parents are 80% totally right and 20% saying it to mask guilt of having to take their kid to daycare. Well I can 100% say that Jackson LOVES going to daycare. It's gotten to the point where he basically hurts my feelings everyday. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to not be one of those parents who has to leave hearing their child's cries in the background. The drop off is not my problem, it's when I pick him up that he tears my heart out, stomps on it a little bit and hands it back to me.

It used to be that when I picked him up I got the biggest of smiles and he would crawl over to me as fast as possible. Now when he sees me I get a half grin and he might reach out for me to pick him up. Once in my arms though he pushes me away and tries to get back to his teachers. When he realizes we're leaving the room he starts to cry because he doesn't want to leave. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he loves "going to school" but is it too much to ask for him to not love it that much??

Walking Machine

2011-01-23T19:35:00.002-05:00

Check out that swagger!!

Bittersweet

2011-01-21T12:43:00.005-05:00

I feel as though the first year of Jackson’s life was all about holding on. Holding on to my sanity, trying to hold on to my friendships as I changed and became a mother but mostly about holding on to this sweet little boy as he cried, fed and slept. I got a call from daycare yesterday telling me that Jackson had taken a bit of a spill while practicing his walking skills and got a nasty scrape down his back. He’s fine, no harm done. But this event and his quickly approaching first birthday makes me realize that the next year of his life will be a theme of learning to let go.

I’ve (half) joked that when Jackson started standing and eventually ventured off with his first steps that I should start pushing him down so that he would never learn to walk or gain the tools needed to achieve some independence from me. But he cannot be stopped, and as he’s learned new skills I’ve also learned that I have to slowly loosen my grip. In order for him to learn, I have to let him fall, get hurt, basically become a big boy. But I’m finding this so hard because as all these changes are happening my instinct is to tighten my grip on him instead of releasing some of the control, anxiety and heartache I feel. I'm focused on the tears he will shed when he falls down or the time he no longer turns to me to be nursed, instead of revealing into the person he is becoming.

Jackson is developing this amazing, mischievous personality and everyday I witness his curiosity and wonder at the world around him. The way he says kitty and ball make me smile; when he takes a few tentative steps towards my open arms I am so proud. Every day he continues to explore that world and everyday I share in his enjoyment but along with this enjoyment is a little twinge of sadness of a time we are leaving behind.

Pumping Stress

2011-01-12T16:16:00.002-05:00

It really is true what they say about not knowing how good you have it until it’s gone (or something like that). I didn’t realize how lucky I was at my previous job when it came to providing me with a place to pump. I sometimes even got irritated because my little place was a server closet that had a free standing desk loaded up with equipment and a chair in it. Every morning when I came in I would unlock the door to my little room that had the dimmest of lights and let as much of the heat out as possible so that when I had to go in there it didn’t feel like I was in some sort of sweat lodge. Looking back now I miss my little place so very very much.

I don’t know if it’s just my new company or if because maternity leave in Canada is 12 months that companies don’t really know how to handle mothers who need a place to pump at work but I feel like they are severely ill equipped to handle my needs. Before taking this job I made it clear that I needed a place throughout the day to pump. My offices are pretty open and the only places that have a lock on the door is the HR office and one conference room that has ¾ of the window frosted. I was told I could use the HR office to pump when needed.

I have never been so frustrated and brought to tears more often about pumping than I have since working here. The HR lady who said to “just ask” when I needed her office is always “busy” and can’t leave or when she can it’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I can’t wait that long. When it comes to the conference room it’s ALWAYS booked so that’s not an option either. One day it got so bad that I actually had totake the subway to Amy’s work and pump in her office (which has a video camera in it by the way so I’m sure someone somewhere had a very eventful day.)

I know I don’t have that much longer to go but this is just making an already difficult “job” all the more difficult. It sucks having to constantly stress and plan where I’m going to go that day and how many times I’m actually going to be able to pump. And the even bigger stress of how will I get enough ounces to feed Jackson at daycare the next day when most days I only get one opportunity to sneak into a room for 15 min. I’m thinking I’ll only have to do about 4 more weeks of this and then Jackson will have passed his first birthday and will hopefully be on cow’s milk during daycare. How soon and how did some of you start transitioning your little one to cow’s milk?

Major Milestones

2011-01-07T09:45:00.001-05:00

This week has been both a challenge and amazing. I want to focus on the amazing right now and might write another post about the challenges another time. There is just too much goodness to talk about and I don’t want to taint or overshadow it with gloom.

We decided since Jackson is creeping up on the BIG #1 (sob, tear) that we would try weaning him off his pureed “baby” foods that I send to daycare. Every morning I pack 3- 4oz bottles of breast milk and three containers of homemade baby food for Jackson to enjoy throughout the day. He’s been eating some of the food provided at daycare like the other “big kids” in his class (12-18 month olds) but has mostly been eating what I’ve sent. I thought that over the next few weeks we would slowly taper off on the food I bring and get him full time on the “big boy” daycare provided food. Well my plan lasted a whole two days. Jackson is an eating machine! No more baby food for him thank you very much. He is on full time table and finger foods. There are some meals where he will have 2-3 servings. It’s like a flip has been switched and he’s now totally getting it. Food he used to hate, he now eats with vigour. I’m so excited for this change not only does it open up a whole new world for him but it also is one less thing I have to do every morning. It also makes me sad because it’s just another step away from babyhood.

Speaking of steps, Jackson officially started walking yesterday!! When I picked him up from daycare one of his teachers had a HUGE smile on her face and told Jackson to show me what he can do. I crouched down and reached out my arms and with the biggest and proudest grin on both our faces he took about 4 steps into my out reached hands. It was so nice to see everyone’s excitement over this major milestone. Heads were poking out from all sorts of doors to watch him toddle a few steps forward. I’ll try and capture is on video. Part of me wants to push him over so that he never walks and can stay a baby forever!

Now this one I’m scared to put in writing for fear of jinxing the whole thing but I’ll throw caution to the wind and say Jackson’s had two AMAZING nights of sleep. This means I’ve had two AMAZING nights of sleep! For the past two nights Jackson has gone to bed at 7:30ish, woken up at 11:30 where I feed him and then I head off to bed. Normally he will wake up again during the night but for the past two nights he has slept through until 6:30. What?!? What?!? Now I’m not going to lie the first night there was some crying on his part at 2:00 but I stuck to my guns and didn’t run in there. After 15min, there was quiet and that was the last I heard from him. Last night there wasn’t a peep. I NEVER thought we would get to this long of a stretch but there you have it. I’m hoping that we eventually get to cut out the 11:30 feeding but for now I’ll take this and enjoy it.

Who would have guessed 2011 would start out by being so eventful?

Play by Play

2010-12-31T19:54:00.016-05:00

6:00 - Jackson is asleep early.He slept horrible the night before and would only take one 30min nap today. Even though he went down easy, I'm thinking we're in for another rough night.

6:23 - Oh what a shock! Crying and screaming uncontrollably. Lay him back down in crib and put my hand on his chest. Feeling my back tighten as I hunch in a pretzel like shape over his crib.

6:33 - Remove hand and start to tip toe out. Damn you creaky floors!! Crying begins again. I leave the room hoping he'll fall asleep.

6:56 - Has not stopped crying and I think I might join him. Go back in room and rock him in the glider. Falls asleep. Put him in crib and try to sneak away. Spidey senses alert Jackson of my maneuver and crying begins again. I leave the room anyways.

7:15 - Unbelievably he is still crying. This stubborn streak does not come from me! Go into room and sit next to his crib and hold his hand.

7:22 - He settles and appears to be asleep. So I let go of his hand. How dumb am I? Cue crying so I hold his hand and he stops crying. This is friggin' ridiculous!

7:28 - He has let go of my hand and is standing in the crib trying to talk to me. I ignore him and keep quiet. Trying hard not to laugh at his attempts to engage me in conversation.

7:33 - The Little Fucker is now playing with his crib toys and is laughing. I have a feeling he's laughing at me.

7:41 - I've inched my way to the door, he's started to notice. His baby talk is starting to sound angry but he continues to play. The dog is looking at me like I'm crazy and I'm starting to agree.

7:49 - Sitting at the door, it's slightly ajar. Debating if I should make my move.

7:50 - Think I'm going to do it. I'm going to open the door wider. Little Fucker is still playing behind me. Happy giggles and the jangling of crib toys can be heard.

7:52 - Crap! I think he saw me. Keeping very still, I'm almost in the hall. Afraid to turn around but playing has stopped.

7:55 - Has started yelling "dada" at my back as I sit in the hall. Never a good sign.

7:58 - Silence. Thought he might have gone down. I stupidly look over my shoulder and delighted squeals come from the crib. The dog and I are now fully in the hall. All we have to do is close the door.

8:00 - I heard a yawn from behind me so I close the door. He starts to cry, scream and fake cough all at the same time. He is PISSED OFF!!

8:07 - Still not letting up, he is in full on tantrum mode. I seriously don't know who he gets this from? Am debating my next move but am going to wait it out for a bit longer to see who will win this game of chicken.

8:11 - Silence. Could it be?

8:12 - Nope.

8:19 - Stretches of silence are increasing. Do I jinx myself and say he's finally falling asleep?

8:22 - I'm such a sucker. Have gone back in for another round. Am greeted by a tear stained, snot nosed baby who is standing and trying to catch his breath as he sobs.

8:23 - Almost falls asleep in my arms instantly. Poor overtired baby. Looking at him all warm and quiet makes me think he isn't such a Little Fucker after all.

8:25 - Continues to twitch and fight just as he's about to fall into a deep sleep. Am thinking my exit strategy will have involve a three stage process.

8:30 - Mission commences. Have stopped rocking and am sitting in the glider, he remains quiet and appears to be asleep. Phase two: As delicately as I can with a 22 lbs baby I attempt to gracefully stand and walk to the crib without any disruptions. Everything is looking good so far. Final phase: gently place the grenade (aka. sleeping baby) in the crib and hope it doesn't detonate.

8:33 - Success?!? After 2 hours, I have all my fingers and toes crossed that he is officially asleep. Hoping that I will not be ringing in the New Year in my son's room.

9:02 - Breaking open a well deserved bottle of wine!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Santa Picture

2010-12-23T11:49:00.003-05:00

I've been wanting to post this picture for awhile but for some reason or another just haven't. This is Jackson's first official Santa picture. I personally think Santa was just calling it in this year. Look at the eyes you can totally tell he's not smiling. Tyra would say he needs more "smeyes". Next year we will be holding better auditions ;) I have a feeling next year Santa will be smiling and Jackson not so much.

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Christmas Came Early

2010-12-20T19:28:00.008-05:00

We got our ornament today from the Holiday Ornament Swap organized by Offering of Love. Not only were we lucky enough to get an amazing ornament, but it was also an ornament that keeps on giving because the proceeds from the ornament go to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

We were so fortunate to get our our ornament from the ladies at Looking for a Little Turtle. To say they have a lot so their plate right now is an understatement. So HUGE hugs and kisses to them for such a beautiful tree decoration and for taking the time to send us something so pretty. The picture below doesn't do it justice. Jackson has given it his full seal of approval. Next year they'll have TWO little ones opening up ornaments!!

And to the person who I have I'm beyond horrible for waiting so close to the holidays to get yours out but I swear it's on the way!

More Changes

2010-12-16T09:14:00.001-05:00

So much to talk about I don’t even know where to start. This has been one crazy year!

In 2010:
1. We had Jackson
2. Sold our house
3. Moved to a different country
4. Amy started a new job with her same company
5. We travelled to the Dominican for my sister’s wedding (post on this to come later)
6. And to add to this list… I started a new job!

Amy and I “joke” that the only thing left on the list of big life events is a death and then we’ve experienced everything possible this year. For those who know me I HATE change so you can only imagine how excited I am for this year to be over and for the dust to settle a bit so we can slowly get into some sort of normalcy.

I’ve been at my new gig for a week now. I really like it! I’m getting to learn a lot of new things which is one of the reasons why I was interested in this position in the first place. But going from working from home to working downtown means a huge change from what our day used to be like for everyone. I think we’re all slowly adjusting. We’ve shifted Jackson’s bedtime later; he now goes to daycare full time and I have super mommy guilt about all of it. I’m hoping the daycare guilt soon. I HATE that because of my commute he is the first baby at daycare and one of the last to be picked up I think part of it might be weather related. I feel like Jackson and I never see the light of day. We leave when it’s dark and we come home when it’s dark. I feel like a write the following words in every post but here it goes anyway…I know it will get better. Hell, look at all the changes we’ve tackled so far and we’re still standing.

Birthday Girl

2010-11-26T21:53:00.003-05:00

That's right! This little lady celebrated a birthday today. We've had one crazy year. A baby, a big move and she's been amazing through it all. Happy Birthday Amy!!

Confession

2010-11-25T22:32:00.003-05:00

I am here to say that my 9 1/2 month old son does not sleep through the night. Not only does he not sleep through the night, he's not even close. Realistically I know that one day when we send him off to college we will be an individual that can sleep through the night but right now it just seems like it will never come. I thought this same thing when I'd see other babies in his class sitting up on their own or eating finger foods and now he does these things too. Just like those milestones I know the sleep will come too.

For the past 3 nights we've actually had some really great sleep nights. He's made it through the night doing a 5 hour stretch! It's funny how to some this might be a bad night but this extra time we're getting feels amazing. We get up in the morning and actually feel rested. I"m hoping that he's slowly starting to stretch out his sleep periods naturally.

So for all the other moms that also feel like all they hear about is how everyone else's baby is sleeping through the night. It's okay to be jealous (I know I am) but know you are not alone. My name is Melissa and my baby does NOT sleep through the night.

Namesake

2010-11-24T19:11:00.009-05:00

My dad's name is Jack. He passed away unexpectedly the summer of 2002 of a massive heart attack. He was 56 years old. That's all I'm really going to say about his death. That day was beyond horrible and because of that I don't want it to be what represents the memory of him. It's the 25 years that I got to spend with him that I choose to remember.

I've been thinking a lot about him this week. I guess it's inevitable with my sister's upcoming wedding. Then today when watching Oprah who should be on but Garth Brooks, one of my dad's favorites. Seeing that he was on brought a smile to my face, it was a nice reminder to me that even though he's not here he's still around.

My dad was one of those really great dads. There was that Christmas that he was so excited about the Nintendo he bought us for Christmas that he took it out for us before the 25th, or the times that my sister or I would make him so mad that he would kick the air in frustration as he was scolding us. He would be there at my softball games and when I went away to college he would always call to tell me what the weather was like where I was and what events were going on in town in case I was looking for something to do. He used to call me "kiddo" and when we would go somewhere he would walk beside me and rest his hand on the base of my neck.

It's because of all these reasons and many more that we named Jackson after him. My grandpa died when my dad was 18 years old. I never really talked to my dad about it, about what it was like for him to lose a dad at such a young age. I wish I would have and I wish I would have asked more about my grandfather. I don't really know that much about him or feel that great of a connection. I refuse for this to be the case with Jackson. Jackson will know about his Grandpa Jack and understand why he was named after him.

I guess days like these always seem to come up around holidays and big events like weddings and babies. Today is just one of those days that I'm just missing my dad more than normal.

A Life Lesson from Jackson

2010-11-23T21:56:00.007-05:00

Today has been a very long day filled with getting the dreaded call from daycare that your baby has a fever and then taking said baby to a doctor's appointment. So no formal blog post today. Instead I'm going to pass along a very important lesson that Jackson taught me today.

Everyone knows that you shouldn't drink and drive or run with scissors BUT did you know that you shouldn't eat blueberries and mangoes when you're sleepy???

Runaway Day

2010-11-22T21:33:00.005-05:00

Today plain sucked. Jackson isn't feeling well and because of it he's been an emotional basket case. If I put him down he cries, if I sit down holding him he cries, if I give him space he cries. But then for a fleeting moment he will find a blissful distraction and the tears stop momentarily until he remembers that he's supposed to be fussy. Case in point: (please ignore my horrible sounding voice)

This was my entire day. On top of it, work was horrible and everything seemed to go wrong. So not only was I trying to balance dealing with Fussy Gussy I had work drama as well. Needless to say I failed miserably at both. So what did I do? If I was a little kid again I think I would have packed up my favorite belongings in my backpack and run away from home. Since that wasn't an option I packed us all up and went to the park. For 30min today, everything was okay. Jackson was a happy boy swinging in the swings and I intentionally left my phone at home so work couldn't follow me there.

I wish I could say that this moment turned the day around and it ended on a positive note but unfortunately it didn't. Jackson continued to have meltdown after meltdown. So when it was time for bed and after an hour of trying to get him down to no avail I plucked my snotty, hiccuping, tear stained boy out of his crib and brought him into our darkened living room where under a fuzzy blanket he laid against me and we watched Yo Gaba Gaba until he had calmed down enough to be put back to bed. Sometimes you just have to do what works and tonight that was what worked. I'm hoping he feels better tomorrow. Based on all the blogs I've been reading it sounds like I'm not alone when it comes to having a sick baby right now.

Night Terrors

2010-11-21T21:16:00.006-05:00

A post at the Offering of Love's blog helped me feel so much more normal, with the added bonus of helping me find something else to post about.

Jackson slept in our bed for the first three months of his life. We ultimately moved him to his crib because Amy and I weren't getting any sleep in the few short hours that we were being afforded. Even though he was in bed with us for such a short time I didn't realize what an affect if would have on me.

Fast forward to 6 months later and I'm still waking up multiple times a night in a sheer panic. I'm convinced that Jackson has either gotten tangled in the covers or has fallen out of bed. There has been some nights where I have woken up on all fours next to the bed thinking that Jackson has rolled under it. Poor Amy has been woken up by me frantically patting the covers in my attempt to look for Jackson. She's had many conversations with me (who is half asleep) trying to convince me that Jackson is okay and safe in his crib. This happens weekly!

So you can understand my excitement at seeing the post at the Offering of Love's blog and all the comments of others who have had these same late night panic attacks over baby. I'm hoping they end soon for both my sake and for poor Amy who has to deal with a crazy person in the wee hours of the morning.

2010-11-20T21:47:00.001-05:00

Jackson has learned how to sign "more" he started doing it when he was eating and has quickly learned that it can apply to almost everything in his life.

Being a Mom

2010-11-19T18:46:00.010-05:00

Next In Line posted some interesting questions on her blog today so I thought I would answer them on mine.

The Biggest Surprises

One of the biggest surprises is that even though he is over nine months old I still can't believe Jackson is actually ours. Before he was even here I remember looking in his empty crib and thinking that it would soon be his bed. Now, each night when I put him down in his crib I still look down and can't believe the crib is now filled with this amazing little boy.

I also can't believe how much sleep you don't get but somehow your body keeps on going. There are days where you just feel like a shell of a person and you go through the day on auto pilot. Sure, you hear about how you don't get sleep but we didn't really understand the lack of any downtime. There is always something that needs to be done.

Things that totally would have grossed me out before I don't even think twice about now. I've had every imaginable bodily fluid on me and on my clothes. I changed the rankest of diapers, washed god knows what out of my hair and I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been peed on. Through it all I haven't gagged once or wanted to change anything.

My Most Unglamorous Mama Day

Without a doubt this was the time of "The Sickness". Amy was up here in Toronto and Jackson and I were going it alone in Austin. A stomach bug had taken out Jackson's entire daycare class but I still held out hope that he wouldn't get it. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky and it was 48 hours of changing diaper after diaper while breastfeeding more than normal to keep him hydrated. I didn't know how I was going to make it through but then I got "The Sickness".

It was hard enough just trying to look after Jackson while feeling like absolute hell but to make matters worse our house was on the market and we had people coming through the house. I will never forget strapping Jackson into his car seat that I covered in a towel to protect against any mishaps and tossed the dog in the back seat next to him. We then drove around the corner to wait it out. Jackson was thankfully entertained by the dog as I sat in the front seat throwing up into garbage bags I brought with me. After 20 min of waiting, the people who ended up buying our house left and Jackson and I crawled back into the bathroom to play in the fort we had created there.

Favorite mama and babies activities

Bedtime Breastfeeding

Jackson is not one of those snuggle, cuddle babies. When he nurses during the day he's constantly distracted, sitting up, laying back down, twisting backwards because he heard a noise. But at bed time he's all mine. I'm his sole focus and I LOVE IT. He snuggles in close, pats my face, and puts his palm up to my mouth for me to give him kisses. No matter how hard of a day it's been that moment makes up for everything.

Bathtime

Amy's favorite part of the day is bath time with Jackson. That is their moment to play, be silly and just be together one on one. It's so much fun to hear them splashing and laughing from the other room.

My advice for other moms

The best advice I ever heard and will give here is that if you survived the day with everyone still alive it was a successful day. It is so true! You can stress about how much or what the baby should be eating, where the baby should be sleeping and for how long or should the baby be crawling/talking/walking but ultimately if you survived the day, it really doesn't matter what you did to get there. Sure the baby took all his naps in the swing, it's okay if the baby drinks formula, and just because your baby isn't crawling/talking/walking when they are "supposed to" doesn't mean they are less intelligent than other babies that are. Are you all still alive? Yes? Then you did a great job today.

Now it's your turn. What about you? What advice do you have? what was your most unglamorous day? What surprised you the most and what has been the most fun?

Packing Anxiety

2010-11-18T22:00:00.003-05:00

We are now 9 days away from our trip and I'm getting the creepy crawly stress feeling starting at the base of my neck. I think I'm going to pack Jackson's suitcase over the weekend to at least try and get a bit of a jump on things. We've never traveled with Jackson for a week long vacation before and the older he gets I feel like the more stuff he needs. It would also be different if we were going somewhere that if I forget something I can just run to the grocery store and buy it. But I don't think they are going to have diapers for sale at the all inclusive resort in the Dominican.

Amy is a little stressed out too because she's feels she doesn't have anything to wear that is beach wedding appropriate. So off to the mall we went. As you can image our trip was an epic fail. Seriously, what did we really think we would find? A nice pair of linen pants tucked amongst the sweaters and flannel? We have a plan B that hopefully will work out. If not, it's going to be wool pants and a festive snowflake turtle neck.

I feel like we always are in these situations before trips or major events and we always end up pulling through and making it work but with Jackson now in tow there are so many more variables. Hopefully we still persevere.

Customer Service

2010-11-17T22:47:00.002-05:00

I have to say I LOVE companies that have excellent customer service. I bought Jackson a new pair of Robeez shoes a couple weeks ago. He basically wore them 5 times. When putting them on yesterday the entire back of the shoe tore. I was so pissed. I'm not normally a complaints person but for the amount of money I spent on these teeny tiny shoes and factoring in the fact he only wore them a handful of times, I was heated.

So I wrote a very curt email to Robeez customer service voicing my displeasure and my disappointment in their quality. Let me tell you how excited and surprised I was to see an email this morning from Robeez customer service apologizing for the faulty shoes and that they have shipped a new pair free of charge. Standing ovation and two thumbs up to Robeez for their amazing customer service!

Cra-zy

2010-11-16T21:20:00.009-05:00

Ummmm...well, wow. Really that's all I can think to say. The meeting with the cat sitter was at the very least interesting. In the 15 minutes that she was here I learned:

1. She has a sciatic nerve problem
2. That her house is now worth $1.8 million
3. That there was a time that her and her husband separated
4. That she has a bunch of gay friends but none of them are women
5. She started her period today
6. She knows how to swear (I have no problems with swearing but find it odd to do so during a business transaction with someone you just met)

She seemed to like the animals, so we'll see. I have a feeling we'll just be using her for our trip and Christmas and then shop around a bit more. Aside from the over share she just rubbed me the wrong way. I felt like the whole time she was telling me what I should be doing with my animals. It reminded me of those strangers that always have an opinion about what your doing with your child.

I'm not sure if we've introduced you all but here are the little ladies in our lives:

This is our oldest, Olive. She's one chatty cat and loves to be all up in your business. We sometimes have to hide our hands because if she sees them she'll run over and rub her head against them. She is a total Mama cat. If she hears her sisters fighting she'll charge into the room and beat up poor Campbell, even when he's just sleeping and had nothing to do with the fight.

Our middle child is Ivy. Her nickname is Poison Ivy. I have a love hate relationship with this girl. She loves to hiss and if you walk past her when she's not in the mood you'll get a swat. Very independent and a true loner. She does have a soft side that comes out at night when I go to bed. It's our time together. She'll see me go to bed and jump in and come up and snuggle for a few minutes before taking off. I'll even get a kiss on the hand some nights.

And last is our baby Fern. She was scooped out of a dumpster when she was 4 weeks old and I think we threaten her daily to throw her back in. She'll then do something funny and all is forgiven. She is our court jester and Campbell's best friend. They will chase, play and groom each other. She's our one cat who doesn't have a set place in the house. She'll just randomly go to sleep in the strangest places. Half the time you'll practically trip over her because she's spread eagle on her back, legs dangling in all different directions in the middle of the hallway.

These kitties are Jackson's favorite things in the house, whenever they are near he perks up and gets excited. Right now his sound for kitty is "kich". Hard to spell but sounds like a cat hissing with a k sound.

Filler

2010-11-15T19:21:00.004-05:00

I think Jackson might be signing "more". It could be complete fluke but he was doing it today at dinner when I would stop feeding him. We'll see if he does it again tomorrow. Jackson has also started saying "mama". He in no ways associates either one of us with that word but it beats hearing him say "dada" all the time.

Basically this is a quickie post so I don't fail at NaBloPoMo. We have the cat sitter coming tomorrow morning to meet the girls and get the lay of the land before we go on vacation in 12 days (in case anyone out there is counting along with me). So instead of writing Pulitzer prize winning material on here I'm madly cleaning the house to make it look like we always live the complete opposite of how we in fact do live.

The Fun Mom

2010-11-14T18:52:00.007-05:00

I already see how our roles are playing out. Amy is going to be the fun mom and I'm... not. I know before Jackson came Amy was worried about that there would be a lack of connection, that he might for some reason not see her as mom or not love her the same way he would love me. Even now with her crazy work schedule she gets so sad thinking he will forget her or not want to be with her cause she can't spend as much time with him as I do. I hope she sees how unnecessary her fears are. Jackson just adores her. She can make him laugh like no other. She literally can just walk in a room and the kid cracks up. When she's in another room and he hears her, he'll pull himself up on the very tips of his toes to peer over the baby gate in hopes of getting a glimpse of her. And when he does, his face nearly splits in two with the smile he gives her. Amy will roll around on the floor with him, toss him into the air and basically do all the things that make him think she is the most totally awesomest mom in the whole wide world!

Beans and Toast

2010-11-13T19:23:00.004-05:00

I guess perseverance pays off. Normally I think I would have just given up and put beans and toast in the maybe column when it comes to foods Jackson likes. For some reason we tried again tonight and huge success!

This was only one of many odd happenings with Jackson today. Aside from becoming a master of the finger foods, he took two naps today both being over an hour which is unheard of. It was so surreal that we were even talking about going in to check on him because we thought something might be wrong.

Then (I think because of the awesome napping) Jackson stayed up an hour past his normal bedtime. Normally, by 6:00 he's rubbing his eyes and getting fussy. Tonight that didn't start until 7:00. So when we started seeing the signs I nursed him and put him in his crib. He was wide awake so I was anticipating the screams as I left the room and closed the door. But tonight not a peep. He must have just closed his eyes and went to sleep.

As excited as I am about the awesome day he's had, I can't help but think this is the quiet before the storm.

Foto Friday

2010-11-12T18:33:00.002-05:00

He looks like such a scamp in this picture. I'm so sad his hair has started to fall :(

Lazy. Plain and Simple

2010-11-11T19:24:00.008-05:00

This is how I feel.

I'm shocked we're only on the 11th day of the month. It feels like I've been blogging for more than that. Since nothing really happened today worth sharing I'm going to pull out the bullets.

- Jackson was up at 5:00am this morning so F-U-N or should I say F-U-C-K-E-D U-P!

- He actually ate 3 black beans I put on his tray at dinner time!! But then he looked over and saw the puffs can on the table and it was game over

- Jackson is starting to wave and say ba-ba when I drop him off at daycare. Super cute!

- Tooth number 7 has FINALLY made its way through

- I feel like a loser because for daycare we have to fill out an emergency contact card and we have no one to write down :(

- We leave for the Dominican in 16 days!!

- I just ate an entire tub of hummus with a whole bag of pita chips and I don't feel bad about it

- I just had the most amazing can of Coca Cola (with said pita chips and hummus). And not the diet stuff either, it was the real thing in all its sugary glory. Condensation was dripping down the can. I drank it too fast and feel I didn't savor it as I should have.

- Watching the Oprah show I taped today (waiting for Thursday shows to start). I'm trying hard to listen to what Marie is saying but her messed up plastic surgery lips are making that impossible.

- Think I'll go read others blogs and will have Oprah on in the background so I can listen but not have to look. Win! Win!

Until tomorrow!

Suckered

2010-11-10T21:39:00.002-05:00

Amy has been working really really hard. There are multiple days during the week when she doesn't see Jackson. It makes her so sad, understandably. To try and help I pumped extra yesterday thinking I could pump enough for his 3 bottles for daycare and have a bottle for Amy to feed to Jackson at night.

All my hard work paid off and Amy was so excited. So the moment came, crying baby. Amy excitedly goes in to see her son who she hasn't seen on over 24 hours. She snuggles down into the glider, cradles Jackson and gives him what he's been crying for...milk. Ummm, we were so wrong. Cue HYSTERICAL SCREAMING, PUSHING and KICKING. Basically a major meltdown. Jackson was EXTREMELY pissed off. We tried everything but he just didn't want his bottle. So I tried nursing to see what would happen and wouldn't you know he settled right down and snuggled in close.

This only proves that he is so not nursing for food when I feed him at night. We've totally been played (even though we've expected it all along).

Gourmet , No Way!

2010-11-09T19:14:00.004-05:00

Jackson has always been an easy eater when it's come to his pureed baby foods. He's more or less eaten everything I've made him, well except for carrots (gag, spit out and complete body shudder). We're slowly getting him to eat more finger foods. So far our successes have been:

- mangoes (wont pick it up on his own)
- bananas (won't pick it up on his own)
- graham crackers
- Mum Mums
- toasted whole wheat bread
- Cheerios
- Puffs

Oh Puffs. He's worse than our dog Campbell. Jackson can hear a can of Puffs being shaken in another room and the kid goes wild with anticipation. We've tried other things. For example, tonight I provided an array of cut up green beans, peas and corn. Nope, wouldn't even look at it. I was hoping that he would be more of a foodie by the time we went on vacation so I wouldn't have to bring a bunch of baby food with us. It's not looking like that's going to happen.

Here We Go Again

2010-11-08T21:02:00.003-05:00

We've been letting it slide, making excuses, caving cause it's easier but tonight I'm putting my foot down and he's not happy. Here come the bedtime laws!

It started out with the he's teething excuse. Then we transitioned into he has a cold and then we went back to he's teething. This has been going on for about a month now and each night has progressively gotten worse, with the pinnacle being last night when he was up practically every hour. I'm sure the time change was a contributing factor but just writing that makes me feel like I'm making excuses again.

So tonight it begins. He went down around 6:30 and by 8:30 he was already up and crying. I held firm and didn't nurse him back to sleep. I went in there and "comforted" a baby who pushed, hit, screamed and snotted all over me but eventually he did go back down and fell asleep on his own.

We'll see how the rest of the night goes. I hope I have the strength to not go in and nurse him every time he gets up. It's just so easy and I can go back to sleep so much sooner. *sigh*

Gramma - by Jackson

2010-11-07T19:30:00.013-05:00

Hi everybody! It's me! It's Jackson. Mama says I can't go night night yet so I get to tell you about Gramma's visit. I didn't know Gramma was coming to visit. Mama said I wasn't getting to go to school but she didn't say why and when I woke up I WAS SO MAD cause I love school so I wasn't going to give Mama any cuddles, so there! But Mama didn't come into my room Gramma did!

Gramma and I had so much fun! I can't remember everything because I AM SO TIRED! But I do know we played lots and I showed her all my toys. I think Gramma didn't think I had enough toys because she bought me new toys. I don't think I have enough toys either so I love my new toys and I love Gramma. I heard Gramma say that I am a very loud boy. I don't think I'm loud, I just think people don't listen to me. Oh yeah, my toys, my favoritest toy is my new horsie, I call him Tex.

We had the bestest time playing at the park, I even got to go down a big boy slide, but not by myself :( Mama and Gramma said babies can't go down the slide but I'm NOT A BABY I'M A BIG BOY! So Gramma helped me go down the slide and took me on the big boy swings.

I had lots and lots to tell Gramma. I had big secrets to share.

We talked lots about how Campbell keeps licking on my face, how much I love the kitties but they run away when I come over to say hi and we talked lots and lots about my pooping problems. Remember when I was a good pooper? I'm not a good pooper anymore. Gramma said she had a secret weapon...PRUNES AND PEARS!!

Every time I woke up Gramma was here and it was great but now Gramma left and I am so sad, I am so sad AND SO MAD. I DON'T WANT GRAMMA TO GO!I DON'T WANT TO EAT MY DINNER! I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A BATH! I DON'T LIKE MY JAMMIES WITH THE DUCKIES ON THEM OR WHEN MAMA PUTS COLD DIAPER CREAM ON MY...

Jackson has been put to bed and will not be able to finish this entry. - Melissa

Times Are a Changin'

2010-11-06T23:30:00.001-04:00

Well here we go. I'm anticipating a horrible week of fussy baby. I'm hoping that the time change goes smoothly and he isn't too affected. I'm predicting I'll be up at some ungodly hour tomorrow morning and attempting to keep a very tired baby up longer than he wants tomorrow night.

It seems so long ago that this would be one of those exciting nights out at the bars where you get to stay out an hour later, drink for one more hour, going to bed as the sun comes up. Now here I am hurriedly typing this post so I can go to bed in an attempt to be rested so that i can get up before the crack of dawn to play and have breakfast with the cutest little boy in the whole world. How times have changed. I wouldn't have it any other way!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Something to Laugh About

2010-11-05T16:31:00.002-04:00

Things have been a little stressful lately at our place. Last night Amy and I only got two hours sleep so I'm hoping that a video counts as a blog post.

WTF and MYOB

2010-11-04T23:52:00.005-04:00

Riding an elevator down to the train a women who seemed innocent enough commented on how cute Jackson was and mentioned that she saw on Dr. Oz that sugar kills and that I shouldn't give the baby any sugar. I smiled and told her I had no plans to give him any in the near future. She then took out a flyer explaining that she worked for some health organization and that introducing a healthy lifestyle to the masses was her passion. She continued talking about healthy eating when thankfully the train arrived. We purposely walked in the opposite direction of her and got on the train.

Sitting down and talking to Jackson I see her lumber over across the train car seeking us out. She sits across from us and starts in again about all the food information she forgot to tell us on the platform. Apparently Jackson needs to eat lots of root vegetables and avocado. I try not to engage and think I'm giving a ton of non verbal cues basically indicating I'm not wanting to hear her advice anymore but she's just not getting it. Up until this point I only found her annoying but this is when the crazy came out. She then looks at Jackson again and goes on and on about how much she loves him, and wishes she could take him home so he could sleep in her bed and be her baby!! I'm totally not kidding. She literally said these words.

Needless to say I pulled his stroller closer to me and took him out to hold on my lap. Partly because I was feeling very uneasy and partly because he was getting fussy. Crazy Pants McGee then starts offering more advice and instructs me that I need to take his coat off because he's hot and that's why he was fussy. Let me just say this was not the reason and even if it was the reason and he had beads of sweat dripping down his brow there is no way in hell I would listen to her and take off the damn coat.

So now that Jackson is out of her grasp and I'm ignoring her she promptly moves into the now open seat next to me. I'm extremely excited that our stop is next and start to gather our things. The whole time listening to how I need to expose him to music and to church because it's good for him and to make sure he doesn't touch the subway pole cause it's dirty. It's then that I see out of the corner of my eye that she has grabbed Jackson's hand and has given it a kiss, saying I love you baby. Once again, I'm so not kidding. We arrive at our stop and as we quickly exit hear her give us multiple God bless you's and I love you baby's.

I'm pretty shocked that I've lived in Toronto for almost 2 months now and I've only now just had my first experience with big city crazy. What an introduction!!

Fairy Tale Boobs

2010-11-03T22:34:00.003-04:00

I have never been a big boob girl. I think mine could have best been described as Goldilocks boobs. Not to big and not too small, they were just right. Since having Jackson and still breastfeeding I guess you would say that they are bigger than they used to be. This of course is pretty oblivious to me mind you. I think I have body dis morphia. I honestly don't think I look the way I actually look. I never thought my body changed that much during pregnancy and then I would catch a peripheral glimpse of myself in the mirror and get smacked upside the head with how I actually looked. Same thing now, I assume I look the same way I did pre-pregnancy. Apparently I don't.

My sister is getting married at the end of the month and tonight was the first night I tried on the bridesmaid dress. BAM! hello girls, will you please try and behave yourselves and stay in the dress please. I'm seriously hoping that A) I can find some sort of under garment to rein these ladies in and B) Jack doesn't get sight of me at the wedding and decide to claw my dress down.

Needless to say I'm terrified to try on my bikini!!

9 Month Well Visit

2010-11-02T11:33:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was Jackson's first trip to the doctor in a while (knock on wood). I brought him in for his 9 month well visit. I have to admit I felt a little fish out of water because this was also our first foray into the Canadian Healthcare system.

Everything checked out great! Jackson weighs 21 lbs 8 oz and is 29 inches long. Around the 75 percentile for both. He was a real trooper when getting his immunization and flu shots. He only cried a little and was soon smiling again. It honestly was a pretty uneventful trip.

We won't be covered by Ontario health insurance until December so I was prepared to pay a bunch of money for this visit. I know what it's like going to doctor's offices and signing a credit card receipt for hundreds if not thousands of dollars because of insurance not covering. So you can only imagine my shock when the TOTAL bill came to $50.10!!

So in celebration I got a coffee and Jackson got a Mum Mum for the train ride home.

Happy faces!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Halloween

2010-11-01T13:26:00.013-04:00

Apparently I need some motivation to blog, October's posts were very lackluster. So, in order to get my ass in gear I'm signing up for NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month). For those who don't know this basically means I will be posting an entry everyday for the month of November. If this doesn't get me back in the posting habit nothing will.

We had a great Halloween weekend! Full of new friends and fun activities. Jackson was a ferocious Tiger, RAWR!!!

On Saturday we went to Boo at the Zoo with the babies/kids from J and DZ and Other-Motherhood. Everyone had a great time. All the kids were dressed up and so cute! I think it's hilarious that we went to the zoo and Jackson's favorite thing to see was the fish.

Jackson and Sadie

Then on the BIG DAY (aka Halloween), we were invited by the ladies of 2 Girls in Love to meet up with some of their friends and go Trick or Treating. We had a great first Halloween in Toronto and made some great memories. It was fun to see their little guy Jackson (yes, his name is Jackson too. It's only the coolest name on the planet!), who is a little over a year older than Jack toddle up to the houses with his candy sack. I kept thinking that next year Jack would be doing that and it seems unbelievable. Jack was a real trooper staying out past his normal bedtime and going from door-to door. He even scored Mama some candy!

We have been so fortunate to have met so many great people through our blog. They've really made our move to Toronto so much easier. Thanks ladies!!

Holy Hell

2010-10-20T18:59:00.008-04:00

Jackson has been pulling himself up onto everything for about a month now. He reaches his arms so high, grips his tiny little fingers onto anything he can get a hold of and then using all of his power pops himself up onto two legs. We are so proud of him and you can see he is so proud of himself.

Lately this major milestone has become a major nightmare. Bedtime used to be something I enjoyed, it would be our time to snuggle while he nursed and I read to him. He would slowly get tired and I'd put him in his crib with a goodnight kiss. Sure, there were nights where he would fuss for 10min or so but he would eventually fall asleep.

This past week everything has changed. During our quiet time before bed he seems agitated, not really feeding, kicking, grunting, the whole deal. I eventually put him in his crib and he pops up right away and stands in his crib rubbing his eyes and crying. I leave the room and his crying only escalates into blood curdling screams. I leave him in there for a few minutes and when I go back I find him still standing, with tears and snot running down his face. I lay him down again, try patting his back, sushing, the whole deal but nothing seems to work. And God forbid I actually pick him up because then he really loses it, screaming and throwing himself backwards, pushing away from me. Bedtime has now extended into an hour and a half ordeal. So far it's ended with me nursing him again which gets him to settle down and become calmer. He'll do a full feeding and I can even put him back in his crib where he falls asleep.

Along with this, he's not sleeping well anymore, waking multiple times throughout the night. Amy and I are both exhausted and I'm at my wits end. I feel so bad for him and nothing I do offers him any comfort. I'm hoping that he's just teething and that this ends soon.

So please raise your hand if you're being an absolute terror at bedtime!

Hoarders

2010-10-12T11:11:00.011-04:00

Have you ever watched that TV show Hoarders? The one where people let their stuff pile up and up and up to the point where they're nearly drowning in it and then are paralyzed to do anything about it. That's how I feel about this blog. There have been countless times where I've wanted to make an entry, then didn't and now I'm all full up in my head with posts. It's gotten so overwhelming that I did what I felt was the easiest thing to do...nothing. But as all hoarders know this is not the answer because things continue to build and eventually you become that person who's body is found under their mountain of junk. (True story: http://www.newser.com/story/99215/missing-woman-found-dead-buried-under-junk-in-home.html)

So I have decided to slowly declutter my brain and clean out my head of posts. I'll leave the downer posts until later because two crappy posts in a row would turn even the sunniest of personalities sour. So happy times it is and what has been bringing a smile to our face during all our upheaval? JACKSON!

We have finally found a daycare for Mr. Jackson. He's been going part time 3 days a week for a couple weeks now. It's given me the chance to get the house in order and to be able to focus 100% on my work. Finding daycare up here is so damn difficult. Because maternity leave is 52 weeks, I guess their isn't a huge need for infant care. Add to that we wanted to send him somewhere licensed and add to that a large percentage of facilities have to take a certain number of subsidy kids we were starting to freak out at the limited number of choices.

Thankfully a couple blog readers stepped up with recommendations and we couldn't be happier. Because he's 8 months old, he's the baby of the baby class with the rest of the kiddos being between 12-18 months. So, he gets extra cuddles from all the teachers. Needless to say we love the place, they love Jack AND they have WEBCAM!! WIN, WIN, WIN! So after writing this I think it only fair that I be honest and say that maybe not 100% of my focus is work when he's a daycare. How can you not obsessively look at this?

Before you ask. Yes there are teachers and other kids in the room :)I just didn't feel right about taking a picture of them without permission/approval. He's having a blast and bring home craft projects and new skills like pulling himself up on things (which will be a topic of a whole other post).

Whew! That was a bit of a long post. Thanks for baring with me on that one. I promise to post soon and to not let my head get so buried in thoughts again.

Truthiness

2010-09-13T13:32:00.002-04:00

Well we've officially been in Toronto one whole week. I was debating about what I was going to write on the blog about everything, should I just go with the canned response of "everything is fine" or "we're getting settled" but then I realized I had to be honest because that really is the point of this blog. To document our lives so we can look back and remember.

So the answer to the question of "How is everything going?" is that this is really hard and lonely. I'm not a big change person and here I am thrust into a situation where EVERYTHING is different and I know no one. I guess you can say it's getting better. I used to cry at least once a day about being here but the tears have stopped and I'm slowly starting to accept that this is our new life.

The first day we arrived Amy picked us up from the airport and made a comment when about going home. It felt so wrong for her to use that term for this place that we live, it's a house it's not our home. Home for me is still Austin.

I so desperately miss my friends, Jack's daycare, our house where Jack was born, even the little things like our grocery store. Even though I was born and raised in Canada it feels like such a foreign place. Amy and I joke that if we had moved to some far off country it might be easier because you expect things to be different. But living here and it being in some aspects very much like the US it makes the difference all the more jarring.

I think the hardest adjustment for me is being thrust into the roll of stay at home mom. In someways I feel like I'm just bumbling along trying to keep the day exciting for Jackson while at the same time not losing my mind being cooped up in the house most of the day. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job. My feelings are only made to feel more real when Jackson cries most of the day. Rationally I know he's upset because of the two new teeth he has coming in but emotionally I think it's because hes not happy with me. I'm going to try to venture out to a baby thing this week at one of the Ontario Early Years Centers and see how it goes, maybe it will help lift both our spirits.

I know it will get better, I know I need to move forward, I know I need to get out of the house, I know these things. I know that things will get less hard and be less lonely over time. I really do, it just doesn't help in the moment.

Almost Crawling

2010-09-11T11:20:00.004-04:00

A New Normal

2010-09-05T11:46:00.006-04:00

Well Friday I left Austin, before Melissa and Jackson, to move to Austin to get the new house ready for the animals. Leaving Austin was so difficult for me because there are so many great people that live in Austin that we have grown to love.

Austin has so much history for us (10 years). It is where I fell in love with Melissa, bought my first house, adopted 3 great animals and Fern (just kidding), started to plan the idea of having a baby, found out after many disappointments that Melissa was pregnant, Jackson was born at home and I adopted Jackson.

You can see why it was so hard to leave so much history and great people. I will miss Austin so much and I will definitely go back to visit the people we consider family. But there are some positives to living in Toronto. which I can talk about in another post but one I really wanted to mention is about our status. Now that we live in Canada we can officially check the married box on forms!

The animals left Austin Saturday (3 am) to drive to Houston to get on a plane to make the move to Toronto. If you don’t know us I should tell you that our animals mean so much to us they are part of the family. So every decision regarding the time of the move, when I move and when Melissa moves was made around what was best for them. It didn’t work out as we wanted but we chose the best option given to us. Poor Melissa had to send them off in their cages at 3am and it was difficult for her to do.

During the day, I tried to make their new home better and bought them all sorts of goodies and toys. After 2.5 hours in the Toronto Airport they came to their new home. I was so happy to see them and they were happy to see me. Three of them sleep with me on my air mattress. It wasn’t as traumatic as I thought it would be on them. I think this whole process was more difficult on us than it was for them.

Well, the final phase of the move is done. We have our stuff and are slowly unpacking. Now that Melissa and Jackson are here it feels a lot better. Our life has been chaotic for what feels like a month and I am ready to get things back to normal, a new normal.

Rolling Pro

2010-08-14T18:57:00.004-04:00

It's hard to believe this is the same boy who used to get stuck on his arm :)

Tuesday - Day 7

2010-08-10T21:55:00.010-04:00

Oh Mommy,

There is so much that's happened. Remember when Mama said we were going somewhere special yesterday? Well Mama is a BIG FAT LIAR! You know where she took me Mommy?!? To the doctor! And you know what they did to me Mommy?!? They stuck things in my ears and my mouth and THEN they gave me two shots! I wish I could say I didn't cry, but I did, but only a little bit. Mama said I was a very brave boy and she was very proud of me. I got two very cool band-aids on my legs that had cars on them. I was so excited to show my friends at school, but Mama took them off during bath time so I had nothing to show my friends :(

Oh, guess what? I'm also a BIG BOY!! I weigh 18lbs 6oz and I'm 28 inches tall. I showed the doctor all the things I can do now like sitting up by myself and rolling over. Mama brought toys for me to play with but I didn't need them because I played with the fun crinkly paper that was on the bed. It made noise and I could tear it up and then put it in my mouth but then Mama took the pieces away and wouldn't let me put them in my mouth. She is so not fun.

I had a great day in school today. There is a new girl in my class, her name is Sarah she seems pretty nice but I think I'm going to stick with the girlfriends I have. Having three girlfriends would be too much so I think Sarah and I will only be friends. Miss. Cassandra says I am so good at sleeping now. Today at school I took a nap for 2 whole hours. I don't know if Mama told you but when I sleep in my crib I sleep on my tummy. It is sooo nice and comfy. Why didn't I sleep on my tummy before??

I better go to bed. I like bedtime more now that I can sleep on my tummy, even though Mama still says I have to follow the bedtime laws.

Two more sleeps until you come home Mommy!
Jackson

Sunday - Day 5

2010-08-08T19:55:00.011-04:00

Dear Mommy,

Today was soooo boring! We didn't do anything :( I woke up, ate, slept, pooped, ate, slept... see how boring! We did take a walk this morning but it was the same one as yesterday, so I wasn't impressed AT ALL! After I took a super long nap Mama said we could go to the Target, I was really excited because they have toys at the Target! But do you know what we bought, a sprinkler?!? What am I going to do with a sprinkler? Maybe when I'm a bigger boy I'll like it but I told Mama that she bought a super lame toy. So since I didn't get any new toys at the Target I just hung out on my belly most of the day trying to find fun things to do. See my bored face?

Mama made me some bananas to take to school tomorrow, she let me have a taste off her finger. It was very yummy and I got excited for dinner but then when it was dinnertime I had to eat the butternut squash she made. I've had butternut squash before, I wanted something new and exciting not more boringness.

I can't wait to go to school tomorrow where fun things happen and I'm not a bored baby! Mama says tomorrow is going to be a big day and she is going to pick me up early from school. She won't tell me where we're going and says I'll find out when I get there. This doesn't sound good.

Sloppy kisses,
Jackson

Saturday - Day 4

2010-08-08T11:35:00.003-04:00

Hi Mommy,

I'm sorry this letter is so late. I was out late celebrating my half birthday last night. We went to Tia Lili's house and I got to play with Tia Lili, Craig and Nell too. I had so much fun! Mama brought a weird baby crib with her that I got to sleep in. I was a good boy and went to sleep right away.

I had the best day yesterday! Mama said I slept sooo good so I could do whatever I wanted. So I picked lots of fun things to do. First we went on a super long walk. I loved it. It was so nice I almost fell asleep. Campbell came too and would bark so loud at the other doggies.That walk made me soooo tired I couldn't stay awake at all. Mama was going to put me in my crib but it was my day and I could do whatever I wanted so I took a big long nap sleeping on Mama.
But the best part of the day was water time!! I had sooo much fun playing in the water with my cups. I splashed and splashed. It was the best! I even got Mama wet too.

It was the best half birthday EVER!!

xoxo,
Jackson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday - Day 3

2010-08-06T21:06:00.005-04:00

Hola Mommy,

I have to whisper cause Mama thinks I'm sleeping. I have been playing a fun game with Mama. I will lay in my crib and cry and cry but she won't come right away so I roll on my tummy and cry louder. Then Mama comes!! I smile and laugh at her but she puts me on my back and then she leaves again. So I roll back on my tummy so she comes back :) It took her a long time to figure out I can roll back all by myself and didn't need her help to get on my back again. It was soooo funny!

Last night was not good. I woke up and cried lots so I didn't sleep much. I was soooo tired this morning that I fell asleep on the way to school. One second I was home and then I opened my eyes and I was at school. I wish I could close my eyes and open them and you would be home!

I heard Mama tell my teachers that I was a bad sleeper last night and that I would be a grumpy Gus today. So you know what, I was! All I wanted today was some alone time but everyone was up in my business. I played in the exasaucer and my friends would come over to play with the toys. I yelled at them to LEAVE ME ALONE! Then I played in the doughnut, I told them I was king of the doughnut and they needed to LEAVE ME ALONE! but they still came over and wanted to play so Miss. Amber blew some bubbles and I tried to pop them which made me VERY happy.

I was so excited for dinner! Mama said I would get to eat something new but then she said it was green beans and rice and I got very scared. I HATE rice cereal! But you know what? Green beans and rice is VERY tasty. I couldn't help making yummy noises and slapping my hands on my tray. Mmmmm...mmmm.

Oh no! I think I hear Mama coming to check on me. I gotta pretend to be sleeping.

Love you lots,
Jackson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday - Day 2

2010-08-05T20:05:00.001-04:00

Mommy,

I am so mad! I don't like Mama and her bedtime laws. I kept trying to talk to her about it all night long. I told her lots of times that I wanted to go to the big bed and drink milk and talk but she said I needed to stay in my baby crib because there was no room in the big bed cause Campbell was sleeping. I don't like Campbell!

Mama called me Cranky Pants McGee all morning, she would not listen to me when I would yell at her that my name is not Cranky Pants, it's Jackson Miles!! It ruined my whole morning and I yelled at everyone. Miss. Cassandra said I needed a nap so I took a long nap and when I woke up I wasn't mad anymore.

Did I tell you that I am a very handsome baby? Miss. Cassandra was taking pictures of me and my friends today so I had to look in the mirror lots to practice my cute face. I really like looking at myself. Good thing I am so handsome so it's not hard to do.

Even though I was not mad at school when Mama came to get me I got mad all over again. I couldn't help it, Mama knows how to push my buttons. She wasn't feeding me my butternut squash fast enough, she didn't make bath time fun and when she was drying me off she told me we are doing bedtime laws again tonight. So I think I'm going to go to bed fast tonight so I don't have to listen to her anymore.

Can you come home today and Mama go there?
Jackson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday - Day 1

2010-08-04T20:35:00.009-04:00

Dear Mommy,

I'm so sad that you had to go away again. I miss you sooo much when you are gone and I wanted to tell you about my day at school today! So Mama said I should write you letters again.

I had a super great day! Miss. Becky read me tons of stories and she also played ball with me. She would roll the ball to me and it was sooooo funny!! I also showed off to my friends how I can sit up all by myself. I did practice some more today so when you get back I will be amazing. BUT the BIG NEWS is that I had a big boy poop. It wasn't gross and all over the place like babies poop it was small and hard and stayed in my diaper. I got to keep my same outfit on all day long.

You don't know it but I heard you and Mama talking this morning about my outfit. I don't like how you said my pants and my shirt don't look good together. I think I look super cute and the girls in my class think so too. Look at how they were all over me. I was so handsome today!!

Mama says now that no one has the sickness and no one is having anymore sleepovers at our house she is laying down the bedtime law. I'm scared Mommy! I liked rule breaking and staying up late and waking up lots. I don't want bedtime laws :( I had good naps today so I don't think it's fair that I have to have to follow the laws at night when I was a good boy during the day!

Ah man, Mama says I gotta go get ready for bed. So not fair.

Love you,
Jackson

P.S. I'm so so sorry I gave you the sickness and please tell Grandma I'm sorry she got it too.

BIG NEWS!

2010-08-02T09:50:00.005-04:00

Let me start off by saying, no we aren't pregnant again and no we aren't even thinking about #2 for a while. The big news is we're moving!! (and not from Blogger to Wordpress either.) We are packing up 10 years of our life spent in our amazing town of Austin and moving WAY north to Toronto.

Why the move you might ask? Amy has an amazing job opportunity that we just couldn't pass up. We're excited, sad and scared for this new adventure. The closer we come to move time (end of August) the fear and sadness starts to overpower the excitement. We just gave notice to Jackson's amazing daycare when his last day will be and we're almost at the tail end of finalizing our house sale (the house where Jackson was born). What used to be a distant thought is now quickly becoming reality.

The thought of moving to a city where we don't know a soul and where we have to start fresh with everything is a bit daunting. Every time I think about it I practically burst into tears thinking about all the friends we're leaving behind. How long it took us to find Jackson the perfect daycare and pediatrician. How we know where to find the best Mexican food in the city. 10 years of a life and now I feel like we're resetting the clock and are back at zero. So if there are any Torontonians out their reading this please tell me it's going to be okay.

I don't mean for this to sound like such a downer post. We're very excited for a fresh start in a new city and all the opportunities that it will afford us. It's just hard to leave the people and places you love so much. So hang on tight because we'll be posting a lot about our upcoming adventure.

Also, Amy's going away again this week which means more Jackson letters!!

Wednesday - Day 10

2010-07-28T20:28:00.003-04:00

Helloooo Mommy!

I am so very very excited that you are coming home tomorrow. I've missed you to the moon and back! Sometimes I would cry and Mama would think it was because I was hungry or tired but really it was because I was missing you real bad.

I had a very dirty day today. Mama came into my room to start the day and my jammies were covered in poop! Not sick poop like before but peanut butter poop. I don't think Mama was very happy this morning like I was. We were both VERY sleepy though. We talked A LOT all night long, well really I did most of the talking. I was so tired that I fell asleep on the way to school.

I had bananas for morning snack today. Miss. Cassandra didn't put it with cereal so it was very tasty. I ate it all up! I then had tons of fun playing in the exasaucer but then I pooped again and they had to take it away :( All my friends were mad at me cause no one could play in it cause they had to wash my poop away.

I also napped two whole times for a long time and I drank all of my bottles. After I drank one of my bottles I pooped again! But this time I got to keep on my same outfit. Miss. Cassandra asked me what in the world have I been eating. I told her bananas, remember?!?

It rained here today. I got to go outside and watch the rain fall down. Then before I knew it it was the end of the day. I think I was so excited that Mama was coming that I pooped again!! Miss. Cassandra was cleaning me up when Mama came to get me. So see, it was a VERY dirty day!

I'm going to go to sleep so fast tonight so that it will be tomorrow sooner so you will be home to give me kisses and cuddles.

I love you so much Mommy!
Jackson

Tuesday - Day 9

2010-07-27T20:17:00.005-04:00

Hi Mommy,

Today was AMAZING!!I had a really really scary dream this morning, I was so scared that I screamed and screamed and screamed so Mama took me to the big bed with her and Campbell. We went back to sleep and I didn't have anymore bad dreams. Also I didn't poop my pants the whole night!!

Mama and Miss Erin had a BIG talk with me at school this morning. They told me that I had to promise to take a big nap today. So guess what? I DID! I slept for a whole hour this morning and I even took an afternoon nap. Miss. Cassandra gave me cereal with pears for morning snack, it was so sooo gross I gagged lots. But then she just gave me some pears and I ate it all up! So tasty! No more cereal please.

Mommy, I have a secret. I'm in love. There is a girl in my class named Gretchen. She is very very cute. So today to show her how much I love her I kept taking her toys away from her. I think tomorrow I might kick her to show her how I feel.

My favoritest part of the day was going for a buggy ride. Remember when I first went to school and I had to ride in the back of the buggy sitting in a baby seat?!? Not anymore!! I got to be a big boy and sit in the the front.

I don't know if Mama's told you yet but I have been such a good boy when I go to bed. After Mama feeds me and rocks me and reads me a book she puts me in my crib and I go to sleep right away! I like to sleep on my side all the time now, sometimes she forgets so I have to roll on my side myself. Mama says only two more sleeps and you come home. I'm so excited!!

Love,
Jackson

Monday - Day 8

2010-07-26T20:07:00.010-04:00

Dear Mommy,

My letter is going to be very little because Mama says I have to go to bed NOW!

I don't know if Mama told you but I went back to school today!! I wanted to go back sooo bad so I could see my friends again and show everyone how I can roll over whenever I want. I was so excited that I forgot that I now like bananas, so when it was time for morning snack and I got rice cereal and bananas I made a yucky face and spit it out instead of saying yummy. I'm so mad at myself!!

I was having so much fun that I just didn't want to nap at all today. Miss. Cassandra tried to make me sleep and that made me VERY mad. So I yelled sooo loud. Miss. Cassandra tattle tailed on me and told Mama I only slept for 30min. I love Miss. Cassandra a whole bunch but I don't like that she told on me. So because she told Mama, the whole way home all I heard was how tired I looked and that I was going to bed as soon as we got home. That means no dinner and no bath time :( I only get to drink my milk and get cuddles tonight.

Do I look sleepy?? I don't think so!

Mama says times up and I got to go to bed now.

Love you bunches!
Jackson

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday - Day 7

2010-07-25T19:17:00.009-04:00

Hiya Mommy!

I want to say how much I love you and miss you and how you are my favoritest Mommy.

Today was a very very bad day. I'm mad at Mama, I'm mad at Campbell, I'm mad at the iguana on my exasaucer and I'm mad at my bathtub Tigger. I know if you were here I wouldn't be mad at you cause you are the bestest.

I was sound asleep this morning when Mama comes into my room and wakes me up because she said she heard me poop REALLY LOUD over the monitor and it woke her up. When she lifted me out of my crib there was poop dripping everywhere!! It was on me, on my jammies, on my sheets, EVERYWHERE! I felt bad that I pooped my pants again but now I'm glad I did cause I'm mad at Mama! I had such a bad day and Mama didn't try and help me at all!!!

She put me in the exasaucer to play but then I tried to put the iguana in my mouth but he doesn't want to go in my mouth so I yell at him, "IGUANA GET IN MY MOUTH!" but he still doesn't listen so I got more mad and Mama said no more exasaucer. So then Mama says she'll play with me on the floor. She gets all MY toys out and puts them down and we have so much fun playing but then Campbell comes and takes MY toys away. So I yell at him, "CAMPBELL BRING BACK MY TOYS!" but he doesn't listen to me either so I got more mad and Mama said no more floor time. Oh...here is proof..See me roll over to see Campbell with all MY toys?!?

Mama says I was acting mad cause I was tired so I yelled at her too "NO MAMA, I'M NOT TIRED!". Mama said we all needed to take a chill pill so she packed Campbell and me up in the car and we went for a drive. I didn't want to have anything to do with Mama and Campbell because I was sooo mad at them so I took a nap. But I held on to my toy real tight so Campbell wouldn't try and steal it when I was sleeping.

Then at dinnertime Mama made me butternut squash. I think she should have asked me first what I wanted so even though I love butternut squash when she gave it to me I spit it out and even made a gagging face. So I yelled at her again "BUTTERNUT SQUASH IS GROSS MAMA!!" I know that if you were here Mommy you would have asked me what I wanted because you are a good Mommy.

So Mama says that she thinks we should have a bath and go to bed. I was so excited because I was going to play with my favoritest toy, bathtub Tigger. But when we get in the bath he kept floating away from me no matter how many times Mama brought him to me. So I had to yell at him too!

I'm very tired from all of my yelling today so I'm going to go to bed and dream of you Mommy cause I love you the most!

Hugs and Kisses,
Jackson

Saturday - Day 6

2010-07-24T18:47:00.013-04:00

Hi Mommy!

I'm so sorry I didn't write you yesterday. Mama got the sickness too :( I know I shouldn't say this but I had sooooo much fun when Mama and I had the sickness. She built a fort in the bathroom with pillows and blankets and we played in there for awhile, I drank lots and lots of milk cause Mama said I needed to cause I keep pooping my pants. But best of all Auntie JD came by today to look after me, we had a blast! I think Mama went and took a nap and had a shower. I know for sure she had a shower cause the next time I saw her she gave me lots of cuddles and she smelled WAY better.

Remember how I said I'm eating lots and lots? I'm drinking so much that Mama has to feed me milk from the bottle. She takes these bags out of this cold place and tells me I'm drinking liquid gold. At first I was soooo excited to drink liquid gold, but then Mama gave it to me and it tasted like normal milk. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I just drank the whole bottle and smiled real big. Mama's drinking bottles too, we went to the store and she got these bottles that are all different colors. She says they will help her feel better cause they have electricity in them. But I bet electricity will taste the same as liquid gold, so I'm fine with just drinking my milk.

I don't know if Mama told you yet but I'm rolling over ALL THE TIME! Mama will put me on my back and then...BAM I'm on my tummy. I know they say Back is Best but I think they should say Tummy is TOTALLY AWESOME, cause it is. I don't know how I kept getting stuck on my arm this whole time?!? Rolling over is super easy. But I did get scared last night when I rolled over in my crib and got stuck on my tummy. So scary. I cried and Mama put me back on my side and I went back to sleep.

I better go and check to make sure Mama is doing okay. I love you and can't wait until you come home.

Jackson

Thursday - Day 4

2010-07-22T17:54:00.005-04:00

Dear Mommy,

Oh Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. I got the sickness :( I can't stop pooping my pants. I even puked up some of my breakfast. I have to tell you that rice cereal tastes the same coming up as it does going down. I don't think I want to eat rice cereal anymore.

So far I have been through 3 outfits. My favoritest jammies, a onesie that Mama says you hate and then Mama finally thought she outsmarted me and just had me wear a t-shirt but then I had a REALLY explosive watery poop and that outfit had to go into the laundry too. Mama said we are playing a fun new game today called, "Don't poop on Mama" but I don't think it's a game, I think Mama is scared of me. Whenever I sit or lay down on something she always makes sure there's a towel underneath me. She's had to change my diapers LOTS!

Mama took me to the doctors today too. In case I haven't told you, I don't like it there. When I go there they shove things in my different holes or poke me with things that make me cry. I was a big boy today though and didn't cry once. I'm so sad,the doctor said I can't see my friends again until Monday BUT that means I get to be with Mama all day today, tomorrow and the weekend!!

I was so excited for bath time with Mama so that I could play with Tigger again but Mama didn't give me a bath in the big bath like normal, she put me in the baby bath. I told her I wasn't a baby but she said I was and we fought again and bath time was over quickly. Don't worry about us though, we made up again when she fed me and rocked me to sleep.

Love you!
Jackson

Wednesday - Day 3

2010-07-21T10:17:00.012-04:00

Mommy,

Mama and I are fighting. She is being so unfair!!! Last night at 2:00am she told me I was such a good boy for letting her sleep 3 hours, so good that I should get a gold star. But when I woke her up every hour after that to talk about it she took my gold star away :( She doesn't understand! I'm all by myself in my room with no one to talk to about the gold star so I have to bring her back in to talk. When I woke up this morning I gave her a BIG smile to see if she would give me my star back, I think it worked because she gave me a big smile too. But then I peed on your big bed and pooed my pants and ruined another outfit on the way to school this morning so now I don't think I'll ever see my gold star again :( Can you talk to her for me???

I had a great day at school today. I played a lot on the floor and when my friends crawled by I would try to grab them. The best part was when Mama surprised me and came in during her lunch break to give me lots of kisses, cuddles and milk. Oh! I almost forgot. I had snack time with the other babies. I had oat cereal and pears. Miss. Cassandra said I could stop helping her put my spoon in my mouth but I think it makes me look like a big boy.

Almost my whole class went home today because they were sick. There was puke and poo EVERYWHERE! Gretchen and I were the last babies standing. I hope I don't get it and have to stay home tomorrow :(

Mama gave me bananas for dinner. Remember when I didn't like bananas? What was I thinking?!? I LOVE bananas. Mama made them from scratch for me and they were very yummy in my tummy. Mama says I have to go to bed on time tonight because she wants me to get lots of sleep so I don't get sick like my friends. I'm going to be such a good boy and go to sleep right away.

xoxo,
Jackson

P.S. Remember to ask her about the star.

Tuesday - Day 2

2010-07-20T10:55:00.007-04:00

Dear Mommy,

I slept like poo poo last night. At 4:00am Mama finally took me to bed with her. It was awesome! I went to sleep and could wake up to eat a little snack whenever I wanted and then go back to sleep again. I wish I could do this EVERY NIGHT!! We slept until 8:00am. I think mama was late because I saw her running around a lot while I played in my exasaucer.

Speaking of poo poo I had to go to the bathroom soooo bad on the way to daycare. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. It was gross!!! Some of it even got on my clothes and the car seat. Mama doesn't know it yet but I also pooped on my toy keys and threw them into the car for her to find later. Tee Hee!

I had a great day at daycare. I played in the donut and exasaucer. My favorite part was watching Miss. Becky blow bubbles. She blew them all around me. My friends would crawl over and pop them. I can't wait until I'm old enough to crawl.

Mama took me out early today and I got to visit with all her friends at work. I was so happy and was a real charmer. They were all smiling and laughing at me. I was so tuckered out from all my flirting that I fell asleep on the way home again.

Tonight for dinner I had oat cereal and pears. It was very tasty! I don't think mama made enough, I wanted seconds. My favorite part was taking a bath with Tigger!! I chewed on his tail the whole time.

Mama says it's time for bed.

Love you!
Jackson

P.S. I don't want to go to bed!! I think I'll tell her how I feel by using my outdoor voice.

Monday - Day 1

2010-07-20T10:51:00.005-04:00

Amy is out of town until next Thursday so Jackson is writing her daily letters to let her know what he's been up to every day.
______________________

Dear Mommy,

I'm not feeling very well today. I have the sniffles and a temperature of 99.8. I was pretty mellow today. I spent a lot of time playing on my tummy and I also enjoyed trying to eat Sarah's skirt. Mama wanted me to tell you I only had one nap today from 11-12. I was soooo tired I fell asleep on the way home and mama had to wake me up to eat dinner. I had squash...yummy! I heard mama talk to my teacher about eating big boy food at school. I think when I feel better I might get to eat breakfast with the other kids!!! I'm soooo excited.

Yawn...I'm super tired. I'm going to take a quick bath, cry for a little bit, roll onto my side and go to sleep.

I love you Mommy!
Jackson

Foto Friday - Crappy Car Ride

2010-07-16T20:13:00.005-04:00

Today's ride to daycare was heinous, traffic was at a stand still and Jackson was none to pleased. There is nothing worse than being stuck in the car, not moving with a screaming baby. You feel so helpless. So the only thing I could do was sing. Sing and sing and sing. I sang Cindy Lauper's True Colors (it's one of Jack's favorite songs) for 20 min. until we got to daycare. Totally did the trick!

Tooth 1 and Tooth 2

2010-07-12T14:13:00.003-04:00

I'm hoping we have finally solved the mystery of sucky sleeper Jack. On Friday I got an email for Jack's daycare announcing the arrival of his first tooth, well teeth actually. Jack is now sprouting 2 pearly whites in the lower front of his mouth. They have just busted through so they are elusive to capture on film, but we'll try. Our baby is growing up WAY to fast :(

Foto Friday - Anniversary

2010-07-09T09:37:00.005-04:00

Normally Foto Friday is a focus on Jackson, but since today is Amy's and my 3rd wedding anniversary I thought I would share a wedding picture along with one of Jack.

This picture was taken this morning. When I took him out to go to daycare he cried and cried because he was having so much fun.

So Who's His Real Mom???

2010-07-06T12:45:00.005-04:00

We had the worst experience EVER coming back from Toronto while going through U.S. customs. Since of course we aren't a family by U.S. standards Amy went through on her customs form and Jack and I went together on my customs form. I truly believe part of the training process when hiring for a customs officer is to have them watch hours of footage of cute animals and even cuter babies, then every time they even show a hint of a smile they are electrocuted so that they are eventually programmed to be assholes.

Jack and I get up to our guy and I'm asked for some some of my travel/work documents. I didn't know what forms he was talking about and was curtly told that I didn't fill out one of my forms and so I needed to go back to the end of the line to get the additional document. Now I was polite as can be because I know that this person is my judge and jury for letting me into the country. I nicely ask him if I could get Jack cleared to go through and hand him off to his other mom so that I can go through the line again etc. since I didn't think Jack would make it through the wait again. At which point I was asked, "Who is his real mother?". I was so shocked by his question that it took all of my power not to get angry because once again judge/jury kept running through my head. Well he basically said no I wasn't allowed to hand Jack off and that I would need to go and get the form before I was allowed to pass though. The topper for me was when he was analyzing Jack's birth certificate (which we thankfully brought with us) and started questioning me about why Jack's last name is different than my last name. Grrrr.

In the meantime Amy is waiting for Jack and I not sure what is going on, scared that we weren't being allowed in for some reason. She was begging for them to let her back through so that she could get to us and at the very least bring Jack through with her. When she explained that her son was over on the other side, she was barked at and told they didn't care who he was and that she needed to keep moving.

Needless to say we are happy to be home but don't feel very welcomed.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2010-06-30T09:51:00.003-04:00

We're headed north to Toronto for the long weekend and this will be Jack's first plane ride (I should post his passport picture on here, it's HILARIOUS!). Any advice from you traveling mamas on what to bring, what we should use at the airport or just travel tips in general? I'm a bit nervous on how this is going to play out.

I've gotten advice to breastfeed on takeoff and landing anything else I should know?

Lucky Number 7

2010-06-29T20:18:00.004-04:00

So as some of you might remember I have a thing about 7s. They appear in my life all the time. I can't even tell you how excited I was that Jack was born on Feb. 7th exactly 1 month before my birthday on March 7th. It's these kind of coincidences that are constantly popping up.

Well earlier this week we got a call from the Cryobank informing us that they have vials of Jack's retired donor available...7 vials to be exact. Amy and I are beyond excited. We used are last 2 vials on Jackson's conception. Since his donor was retired we accepted the fact that when we made an attempt for kiddo number 2 it would be with another donor. We were completely at peace with this as we believe that it's not your genetic make up that defines a family. Now that we have this chance we feel very fortunate that we are now able to try again with the same donor. Jack is so cute, how could we not want to try again with the same guy!?!

Foto Friday - First Foods (with video)

2010-06-25T09:21:00.004-04:00

We got the green light from Jack's pediatrician to start him on solid foods. He is a natural eater. We started with sweet potatoes. His list of foods now consists of sweet potatoes, rice cereal and butternut squash. I found a great website to help us make our own food and keep track of what foods are good for him at certain ages.

Make Own Food: http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/
4-6 month food chart: http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/solidfood4to6montholdbaby.htm

Getting Jack to Sleep - Night 2 and 3

2010-06-23T21:49:00.011-04:00

Night 2
The night started out rough I'm not going to lie. We started out with our same bedtime routine, Jack started to get drowsy in the rocking chair so into the crib he went. The thing with Jack is he's an all or nothing kinda guy. So once his tush hit the crib the water works and glass breaking screaming began. I once again tried to soothe him in the crib and picked him up when needed. As soon as I would reach in to pick him up he would stop crying. After 30min I couldn't take it anymore. He was getting so worked up and when I picked him up he would be gasping for air because of how hard he had cried. It was so sad. So after walking him around the house for a bit and giving him tons of cuddles, I sat in the glider again and rocked him to sleep. All told it took us about 1 1/2 hours to put him down.

At 10:00 I dream fed and we were off to bed waiting to see where the night would lead.

12:00ish - woke up and we soothed him back to sleep
1:30ish - fed him and he went right back to sleep
4:00ish - fed him and he went right back to sleep
6:00 - woke up for the day

Even though the night started out bad we made some serious progress during the night!! I can't tell you how much difference getting a solid 2 - 2 1/2 hours sleep in a row makes.

I would give tonight's attempt a C simply because the beginning of the night was so horrible.

Night 3:
It took as an hour to get him to go to bed tonight. BUT tonight was done with no screaming!! Same routine as the two previous nights. While I was rocking him in the glider he did cry but he eventually settled after 5-10min. When he was getting drowsy off we went to the crib again. Same thing happened as the other night. Soon as I laid him down, his eyes popped wide open but this time there was no blood curdling screams. I sat beside his crib with my hand on his chest for about 30-45min as he talked, laughed and squealed. As he started to get sleepy (again) he did start to whimper but he slowly faded to sleep on his own. When I thought he was sound asleep I took my hand off his chest and left the room.

Jack woke up and 9:30 for a feeding, it had been 3 1/2 hours since his last meal so we decided to feed him 30min earlier than normal. The rest of the night played out like this:

12:00 - feed
2:30 - tried to soothe then ended up feeding
4:42 - soothed, gave up after 45min I fed him and when we put him in the crib he was wide awake. He talked and squealed as I sat next to his crib. He fell asleep on his own a little after 6:00.
7:00 - awake for the day

Looking at this I know we're feeding him too much but honestly I'm sick with a cold (which I know I caught due to lack of sleep) and we can't take sitting with him for an hour while he cries so we give in and feed him cause it's the easy way out.

Amy wants to go on record and grade this night an F. I'm a little more positive because he did put himself to sleep twice so I give it a D.

Thanks for all your encouragement and advice.

Getting Jack to Sleep - Night 1

2010-06-22T11:49:00.006-04:00

I thought I would document how things progress as we try and get Jack back to his old sleep schedule. I wanted to write this out so we would have a place to go back to to see what we've done and also to open things up for any advice you might have.

As a back story, Jack's bedtime routine consists of a bath, feeding, rock in the glider as we read a book then to bed in his crib between 7-8. I would then dream feed him around 11 and he would wake up around 3am for a feeding, go back to sleep immediately and he'd wake again around 6:30 for us to start our day. Well this awesome routine started going down the crapper almost 3 weeks ago. He has reverted back to being a newborn and is up all night long. Amy and I are barely functioning and are at our wits end. I have had multiple breakdowns and we are to the point where we dread when the sun goes down.

At first we thought it was a growth spurt so I would feed him each time he woke up but a week in we realized he was just comfort eating so now we try and soothe him to back to sleep rather than feed him every time he wakes up. It isn't helping that his naps have become affected as well. What used to be 2 hour naps are now down to 30min. So we have decided that we were going to make it our mission to take back control of the night hoping that things might balance out with his sleep all around.

NIGHT 1:
After much reading and discussion we figure that Jack is overtired so we decided to put him to bed earlier than normal. After his regular bedtime routine I put a drowsy Jack in his crib a little after 6:00. The moment I put him down the drowsiness went away and he was wide awake. Since he wasn't upset I left him in their and sat beside his crib as he babbled away. After 10min he started to get upset. I would soothe him in his crib, unless he got hysterical at which point I would pick him up and soothe him before putting him back down again. This went on for 2 hours, until he finally went to sleep at 8.

I dream fed him around 10:00 and put him back down. He then woke up at 10:30ish screaming. He then proceeded to wake up every 40 min to 1.5 hours ALL NIGHT LONG. When he cried out when he first woke up we waited to go into his room to see if he could put himself to sleep, but every time he got really wound up we had to go in to intervene. Sometimes we could soothe him back to sleep relatively quickly other times it took longer to settle down and go to sleep. Each time he was asleep when we put him down but soon as we put him in his crib he went ballistic. I think the worst was around 3:30 when we were up for an hour trying to get him to go back down, I finally gave in and fed him even though he had eaten 60min prior. After eating and some rocking we got him back down around 4:30 only to have him wake up again at 5:00.

Guess we'll try again tonight and see how it goes.

If we were giving grades for effort we totally deserve an A but I'd have to give last night's attempt a solid F.

Foto Friday - Missing Mom

2010-06-18T13:16:00.003-04:00

Amy is coming home today!! After being gone all week. I can't express how excited we are for her return. This week has pulled me into too many directions than I can handle and I'm slowly starting to lose it. We've both missed her terribly and Jack will be happy to have his personal pillow back.

I Miss My Baby

2010-06-15T09:45:00.003-04:00

If anyone out there has seen a 16 lbs, 27 inches tall, blue eyed boy that only wakes up once during the night could you please send him back home? I fear he has gotten lost and doesn't know how to get back to us.

Don't be fooled at first glance if you think you see him, this baby is a very slick, sly and crafty boy. He has even left a decoy baby in his crib thinking his mamas wouldn't notice that he was gone. Unfortunately, said decoy baby is waking up every hour almost on the hour every night so his mamas have quickly wised up that their baby is missing.

He may fight you when you reason with him to return home, at 4 months old I'm sure he thinks he's old enough to make his own rules, get up when he wants, eat when he wants but he is mistaken. Please tell him that although we do very much love the precious decoy he has left for us we want our baby back and are willing to negotiate.

Although rarely seen of late please keep a look out for the baby boy seen below.

Foto Friday - Rise and Shine

2010-06-11T15:42:00.005-04:00

I'm going to take the lead from others and try and post a picture every Friday. We'll see how long I can keep it up for.

How lucky are we to wake up to this every morning?!?

One Hell of a Morning

2010-06-09T11:25:00.011-04:00

Amy left this morning to go out of town for work so the babe and I are on our own. Yesterday I decided that I'm going to put my big girl panties on and that we would be A-OK.

The morning started out great (except for Jack's latest sleep issue which will be another post). We got out the door on time, didn't have to turn back around because we forgot something and we had a no cry ride to daycare.

We get to daycare and I open the back car door to the happiest smiling baby you could ever imagine. Dislodge his car seat from the base and find this:

What is that you ask? Well that would be diarrhea. Which, upon further inspection was all over him, his clothes and his car seat. Jackson found the entire event hilarious and told me so as he smiled and babbled as I initiated DEFCON 5 clean up (I've never been so grateful for daycare cleaning supplies.)

So just a warning that even the cutest, happiest of babies have a diabolical, vengeful side. Especially the day after you take them in for their 4 month check up.

P.S. I know my car is trashed out :) just ignore that part.

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Rollie Pollie

2010-06-06T21:43:00.001-04:00

Jack rolled over from his tummy to his back today. He only did it once and I'm not sure that it wasn't a fluke but either way it's officially going into his baby book as roll over day. He's growing up too fast !!

One Year Ago

2010-06-05T11:48:00.004-04:00

We could never have imaged one year ago today that this:

would mean this:

Adoption Day - (Updated with Pictures)

2010-06-02T10:34:00.003-04:00

Today we are heading to San Antonio for the second parent adoption. It sucks this is needed but we are still happy to have Amy 100% Jackson's mom on paper to put our minds at ease. In our hearts she has been his mom since the beginning.

We are very fortunate to live in a state that permits second parent adoptions. Considering we live in Texas you would think we would be one of the unlucky ones. It was a relatively simple process. Amy had to get a back ground check and we had two home visits with a social worker. After that it was a visit to the court house with Jack and it's official.

Us with the Judge

Us with the Attorneys

I'm Adopted!!

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3 months

2010-05-27T09:51:00.001-04:00

We are so late with posting this. Jack is almost 4 months old!

Stats:
Weight: 15.5 lbs
Height: 25.5 inches

Daily:
Sleep: You are sleeping pretty well during the night. We put you to bed around 8pm and feed you at 11pm before we go to bed. You wake up around 3:30am for another feeding and normally go back down until 6:00am when it's time to start our day!

Eat: You still are exclusively on breast milk and when you are at daycare are drinking 4oz bottles.

Diapers: You're still very gassy boy :) Your mom and I joke that you fart like a forty year old man. You have started having poops every other day which is great but scared us at first that something was wrong. Because of this though you are having a lot more diaper blow outs which are always fun :)

Likes:
- You still LOVE being bounced on the exercise ball when you are fussy or tired. You snuggle your face into the crook of our arm while we bounce and you suck on your paci.

- You can't get enough of the mobile above your crib. You love the movement and the lights that dance above your head. You kick your legs, smile and talk every time we turn it on.

- You are definitely a water boy. One of your favorite times of day is bath time with your mom or me. You kick you legs and splash around.

Dislikes:
- You still aren't a fan of napping in the daytime in your crib, you prefer the swing.

Firsts:
- You went to your first movie with Mama, Mom and Aunt Carly. We saw Kick Ass, a very appropriate first movie :) You behaved very well and even watched some of it but mostly slept through the action.

- You started daycare this month. I know it was harder on us than it was on you.

- You're baby talking to us which we love and always makes us laugh.

- You can stand when we hold you up on our laps. You seemed pretty in awe in the beginning that you could do such a thing.

- You've started giggling, although right now they are very few and far between so it is very special for the person who gets to hear it.

- You've gotten your first cold (doctor's says it's an upper respiratory infection), you're all stuffed up, sneezy and coughing but you are still in good spirits.

- You've started to notice and play with toys around you. Batting them with your little hands and grabbing on to them not wanting to let go.

Notes & Accomplishments:
- You are starting to get better about riding in the car and being in the car seat. We have gone on whole car rides without a single tear.

- You are becoming a lot more alert, tracking objects with your eyes.

- You are getting stronger and stronger, holding up your head when we sit you up or lay you on your tummy.

- You're latest discovery is your hands, you will do anything to put them in your mouth, even if that means busting out of your swaddle in a Houdini like manner.

- You still have a very mercurial personality (you have since birth) you can be smiling one second and in tears and screaming in the blink of an eye.

- When you hold your hand in a fist you always tuck your thumb under your second finger.

Handedness

2010-05-18T09:14:00.001-04:00

At what age is it determined whether you are left or right handed? Right now Jackson seems to favor his left hand. That's the one that nine times out of ten is grabbing and holding toys. Wasn't sure if this was an insight into the future or if right now he's just more developed with his left.

The Plague

2010-05-17T10:54:00.005-04:00

Well the sickness has finally spread to everyone in the family. I held out as long as I could but finally succumb to this horrible illness on Thursday. Amy and Jack are still sick but thankfully at the tail end of it.

I have to say Jack is a total trooper, even through his congestion, coughing fits and moments of just plain not feeling well he will still give us a smile and giggle. When Amy and I are feeling our lowest we look at Jackson and remind ourselves that if this little baby can feel this crappy but still be able to enjoy the things around him we need to buck up and do the same.

There are so many moments since having Jack that I am in awe of those who are single parents. This again is one of those times. It's hard enough being sick, but being a sick parent to a sick child is extra hard. Thankfully Amy and I have each other and we can take our turn with Jack so that we can both get some rest in and hopefully start feeling better. So once again another hats off to those that are going through this amazing journey solo.

As proof, of Jack's amazing disposition here is a picture of Amy, Jack and Grandpa (Amy's Dad) when he was here last week (both Amy and Jack were sick). I LOVE this picture!! It always makes me smile.

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:59:00.004-04:00

I debated about whether to write a post about today given there are so many that find this day so difficult for many number of reasons. But I felt it was important to archive today so when we look back we can remember what our first Mother's Day was like.

Today has been nothing like a planned or expected. "Jackson" gave us both presents this morning with sweet cards that told us we were the best Mommies in the whole world. We got a lot of nice Facebook messages, emails, phone calls and texts wishing us a Happy Mother's Day. That was really the extent of our Mother's Day celebration. Amy has been sick since early last week and Jackson has been sick since Thursday so today was full of a lot of naps and soothing. The poor babe is all stuffed up, is coughing and sneezing and just seems plain miserable. In spite of all that he's still been able to keep his spirits high and even give us a few smiles and giggles today. He's been sleeping int he swing most of the day and will sleep in out room in the swing tonight. We've tried inclining his mattress but even still soon as we lay him down he starts having coughing fits. We feel so helpless and hope he gets over this quickly.

Even though today was nothing like I expected looking after our sick little boy has truly made me feel like a mother more than anything else today.

First Day of Daycare

2010-05-03T19:14:00.003-04:00

I had full intentions of keeping a stiff upper lip when dropping Jack off at daycare. The idea was to get all the tears out the day before so that when we dropped him off I would have gotten it out of my system. I failed miserably!

As soon as we stepped out of the car and started walking up to the door the water works started. All the feelings of guilt for leaving him and fear of believing no one else could take care of him came bubbling up to the surface. I can't tell you how amazing Amy was, she was my rock through the whole process even though she was devastated on the inside.

After putting all his belongings in his cubby, making his crib and basically stalling the inevitable for as long as possible it was time to leave. However, I physically couldn't do it. The thought of handing him over to a relative stranger to look after for the day was too hard. Once again Amy stepped up where I couldn't and preformed something so hard, she handed Jack over to his teacher. I honestly couldn't have done today without her.

Standing in the parking lot we were both a tearful mess but pulled it together and headed off to work. All morning I looked at the clock wondering what he was doing, was he okay, was he needing me and I wasn't there. Then the BEST thing ever appeared in my inbox! A short note and pictures assuring me Jack was okay and having a great day. He was hanging out with his new friends going for a buggy ride :) Whenever I got sad I would look at these pictures as reassurance that he was okay. They helped me get through.

We are all home now and all three of us are exhausted from the days events. I know tomorrow will be 100% better and am so grateful that he's at the daycare he's at. One more milestone down 1000 more to go.

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Workin'

2010-04-29T13:47:00.005-04:00

So I have officially been back to work for about a month now. Jack isn't signed up to start daycare until Monday (which I'm sure will be another post) so thankfully my work has been very flexible and allowed me to work from home most days. The days where I have to go in Amy has been staying home with the babe and when I get home she goes off to work. Needless to say it's been a pretty rough month. I feel as though I've been performing two full time jobs simultaneously, while trying to be there for Amy too. Most days I've felt as though I have been failing at more than one of these jobs.

As hard as this month has been I think it's been a good transition time back into the workforce. I had to learn to be away from Jack, how to pump at work and how to multitask like a madwoman while I have a screaming baby in my arms and a deadline for a project at 10am. This month has prepared me to leave Jack in the capable hands of others and trust that he will be okay without me. Even though when I left for work he was being taken care of by Amy it was still hard to leave but every time got easier and I think this has hopefully gotten me ready for the giant leap we'll be taking on Monday. I'll be sure to let you all know how Daycare Day 1 goes.

Jack Has Something to Say

2010-04-17T14:14:00.003-04:00

Birthday Boy

2010-04-15T15:07:00.005-04:00

I know you may think you do, but you don't. We have the world's best dog and today is his birthday!!

Happy Birthday Campbell.

Shots, Screams and Smiles

2010-04-09T12:48:00.010-04:00

Jack turned 2 months old this week and I can't believe how fast this time has flown. Looking back at his old pictures it's crazy to think he was that small. Unfortunately, turning 2 months old meant the inevitable trip to the pediatrician to get his first round of some of his vaccinations.

Jack checked out fine, he now weighs 13 lbs. 6 oz. (75th percentile) and is 24 1/4 inches long (75th percentile). I don't remember the circumference of his head but that was in the 50th percentile. We didn't have any major questions except for one. The past few weeks we've noticed that Jack's pinky toe has been red. At first we thought it was a bruise but after reading Puffers post on Toe Hair Tourniquets (check it out here) I got a little more concerned. Oddly enough the doctor thinks it's a birthmark and that we just need to keep an eye on it. It'll be interesting to see if in fact Jack will have a birthmark covering his entire pinky toe. If so, it looks like being a foot model will not be in his future.

The visit was going well until the nurse came back in the room with her bucket of swabs, band aids and syringes (you know, the regular bucket full of baby torture devices). Jack was laid down on the table and I was asked to hold down his arms. As a side note, I have to say that I don't think it's right to ask a mother to hold down her child's arms while he is being poked with needles, I felt like an accomplice to an incredibly heinous crime. Well needless to say, Jack FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!! I thought I had heard that little boy scream before but I had no idea that he had been taking it easy on us these past two months. You would have thought that we had cut off his birthmark covered pinky toe the way he was carrying on.

The nurse left the room and I did my best to console him but he was having none of it. He screamed and screamed and screamed. So after 10 minutes I very ungracefully threw the diaper bag over one shoulder, carried the car seat in one arm and screaming Jack in the other and proceeded to go up to the counter with credit card in my mouth to pay. The nurse was very apologetic to Jack and the receptionist said that in the 4 years she had worked there she had only seen one other baby freak out that badly. I don't know if I should be a proud mama or worried that he probably has a red flag in his file now at the doctors office.

Thankfully they gave me a free box of Tylenol and Jack was a sleepy boy the rest of the day. All my worries were put to ease when the next day I got to see this little face again.

Cousins

2010-04-05T11:06:00.005-04:00

Jackson met his cousin Lily for the first time this past weekend. We didn't get many chances to take pictures this week but we did get a few good ones. It was nice to see the family this weekend but a little difficult because Jack had a bad sleeping night. I think my sister was surprised how upset Jack would get when he cried. All my talking and she now understands what we are talking about with cranky Jack. Lily was a happy baby and when she gets upset she would let out little moans. They told us it will change soon. I am still waiting...

Sleep Post

2010-04-01T09:34:00.006-04:00

Every baby blog has to have at least one sleep post. So here is ours :)

Jack went 3 1/2 hours last night between feedings!! It's been about 2 1/2 hours every night. Getting an extra hour really does do miraculous things for a person. I feel very well rested this morning. Next battle is getting him to nap in the day in his crib and not in the swing.

Jack has the WORST time falling asleep. He can be all quiet, eyes droopy, mouth hanging open and just has he is about to fall asleep he freaks out and starts to panic and wail. I can almost see it in his face this complete fear of this strange sensation called sleep. He will start to fiercely kick his legs, suck on his pacifier harder and faster than I have ever seen, and when you add in the hysterical sobbing and shortness of breathe he is a very sad sight. I can't wait until he gets to the age where he can self soothe a little more. So far the only way we have been able to get him to go to sleep are:

1. In his swing
2. Wearing him
3. Bouncing on the exercise ball

If none of these 3 things work we go to the kitchen and turn on the vent/fan above the stove (this awesome tip was given to me by a friend) and go trough the list of three items again and one of them will work. It kills me to do these things because I see us creating a sleep monster but if we don't he continues to loses it, which only gets him more and more sleep deprived and then we begin to lose it. I'm hoping time will help change things.

Growth Spurt?!?

2010-03-24T19:26:00.002-04:00

I'm seriously hoping Jack is going through a growth spurt right now and that today's events are only temporary. I'm not going to be able to keep up with his eating every hour or hour and a half if this is a permanent thing. I've also noticed today he hasn't been as eager to "play". Today has mostly consisted of eating then a brief nap before wanting to eat again.

Jack and I have been flying solo since Sunday because Amy has been out of town for work. We both miss her and can't wait for her to come home tomorrow. I have a new appreciation for all the single mothers out there. I don't know how you do it!

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Captured

2010-03-20T20:41:00.002-04:00

We got the elusive smile on camera!

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Chunks

2010-03-18T19:24:00.003-04:00

Jack is offically a chunky monkey! We went to the midwife today for our final check of him and me. We both passed with flying colors. Jack officially weighs 11lbs 8oz (75th percentile) and is now 23 inches (80th percentile) long. So there are enough cheeks for both Amy and I to kiss :)

Also, Jack started smiling this week and it's officially real smiles not just I have gas smiles. He is going to be a heartbreaker for sure. Now we just need to capture the elusive smile on camera.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Moby Love

2010-03-16T14:46:00.006-04:00

Jack before the Moby:

Jack after the Moby:

We love being able to wear him around. Not only because he's quiet and finally able to get some much needed rest but because we absolutely love having him so close to us. Getting to hear every little breath and snort that he makes lightens both our hearts and reminds us during all the rough times why this is so worth it.

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Pumping Help

2010-03-10T17:55:00.002-05:00

I was hoping those of you with experience might be able to offer some suggestions and insights.

When do I pump?

I want to start building up my supply of frozen goodness for Jack when he starts daycare but I'm not sure when I should be pumping. Do I pump after he eats, in between meals or pump one side while he feeds off the other? Then comes all the questions about how long, am I taking anything away from him...it's very confusing. I've been pumping for about 10min after he's eaten but I'm not sure if that's the "right thing to do" and I sometimes have trouble finding the time to do this after he eats because Amy is at work and I have to focus my attention on him rather than on the pump.

Any advice or tips on what your doing or did would be greatly appreciated.

Week of Firsts

2010-03-04T23:15:00.004-05:00

So this has been a very interesting week to say the least. So far:

1. Jack shit through his diaper onto my pants
2. Jack peed on me while changing his diaper (he's done this to Amy twice but I've dodged the bullet until now)
3. Jack has his first appointment with the pediatrician. He now weighs 10lbs. 4oz and is 22 1/2 inches long.
4. Amy started going back to work this week and is in Chicago for the night so Jack and I are going 24+ hours solo.
5. I've threatened Jack with leaving him at the local fire station and mostly meant it. Jack and I are still feeling each other out. Some days I wonder who cries more tears him or me.

A friend of mine told me when I was pregnant that the main goal during these first weeks with the baby is to just survive. If we are both alive at the end of the day it's been a successful day. I have to remind myself of this daily.

Now for some pictures :)

Mystery Solved

2010-02-26T12:45:00.003-05:00

Poor Jack has thrush. We think that's the reason he's been such a Cranky Pants McGee. Our midwives recommended treating him with apple cider vinegar, acidophilus and gentian violet which seems to have done the trick but as you can see has left its mark. Jack is now sporting a purple mouth and bum and I have the purplest nips you have ever seen. We make quiet a pair.

It's amazing how much he's mellowed since we started the treatment. He had one of the best night sleeps ever and so far today hasn't had one of his complete meltdowns. So we're hopeful that we will start seeing the mellower side of Jack.

In other great news Jackson is now officially above his birth weight, weighing in at 9lbs 11oz!!

My goal this week is to get caught up on everyone's blogs and what's been going on with your lives. Can't wait to get reading!

Beautiful Nightmare

2010-02-20T17:34:00.002-05:00

My sister-in-law heard having a baby described as a "beautiful nightmare" and I couldn't agree more. Jackson has come out of his newborn coma of sleeping most of the time and a high maintenance baby has emerged.

I have never in my whole life felt so hopeless or inept. Although I'm sure it's not the case to an outside observer I feel as though all he does is cry and there is nothing I can do to soothe him. He gets the most terrible gas cramps. Poor guy whimpers, screams hysterically and moves his little legs around just begging for comfort but none seem to come. Thankfully Amy has the magic touch (along with the patience and strength) to calm him long enough that he can fall asleep for a little bit until the discomfort wakes him up again. Which only adds to the problem because he's not getting enough sleep which only makes him even more upset.

I've read in some books that cutting cows milk out of my diet might help aid in his digestion so starting today I've cut that out to see how that goes. At least doing this makes me feel like I'm doing something. Sure, I am responsible for feeding him but I feel like I'm responsible for putting the very thing into his body that is causing him so much discomfort.

This is hard.

Birth Story - Amy's Perspective

2010-02-16T19:45:00.003-05:00

It was a great and blurry experience for me. Bit was due on Feb. 12th and our midwife told us to add 1 week to that date since we were first time moms. Therefore we were expecting Bit around Feb 19th not on Feb. 7th.

Melissa started having contractions early Friday morning and they continued to Saturday afternoon. I assumed it was warm up labor and that we would see Bit within the next 3-5 days (Boy, was I wrong). Melissa and I chose not to ever check to see how dilated she was because it would cause us to constantly watch the calendar anticipating his arrival. I was always being told that contractions needed to have a clear pattern and Melissa wasn’t experiencing a consistent pattern of length or frequency. We contacted the Saturday evening midwife to give them a heads up and to try to get some advice on how to get some sleep before the big day. Our midwife told us to drink a glass of wine and to try to get some sleep. About 9 pm, we busted open the wine but it didn’t seem to work so I gave her a half a glass more. Her contractions were getting closer together about 9 minutes apart but we still didn’t believe it was time. Melissa was becoming very uncomfortable and her contractions were now coming about every 6 minutes but lasting inconsistent lengths. We called our midwife around 12:30 am (2/7). I don’t think they thought we were in labor either and I kept thinking it was going to go away. By the time the midwives arrived and checked her she was already dilated to 5 cm and we were officially in active labor.

I will admit I started to panic because I wasn’t prepared mentally that this day was here. In my mind I still had one more week to prepare. Our dog Campbell was driving me nuts and was overly excited with all the action so at 1:30 in the morning I called our good friend Marili to take Campbell for the night. Looking back this was the best decision and we were so lucky to have such great support.

The labor went so fast it seemed like it was only a couple hours. Our midwife told Melissa that positions that make her uncomfortable were the best because it would speed up labor. Therefore, I tried to help Melissa the best possible way I could. She would sit on the exercise/birth ball and I would sit behind her and put pressure on her lower back. I also made sure she kept getting enough fluids in her system. After a few minutes, the midwives made Melissa sit on a birth stool to speed up the labor. This was VERY painful for her and I did all I could do to help her. Our midwife suggested a bath and Melissa was very excited for that so we moved to the bathroom. While in the bath (surrounded by candles), we put a wet towel on Melissa and I poured water on her belly to try to help relax her. She loved this and it was the best part of active labor but it was about to get a bit more difficult.

Our midwife checked Melissa again and she was about 7 cm dilated. We decided to break Melissa’s water so we could get things going. It was after this point everything went 100 miles per hour. She lay on the bed and I put pressure on her back. Contractions were close together so we didn’t get much of a break. After a few minutes, Melissa wanted to go to the bathroom and we would spend most of the remainder of our time in bathroom while Melissa went through transition.

Transition Labor is a bitch and it is where I felt the most helpless. Melissa was in so much pain at this point. I just tried to stay in and kneel down at eye level and give her water and cool her with a damp towel. The apprentice to our midwife, Meg really helped Melissa during transition. Melissa was asking when is this going to end and Meg told her she has to go through it. Meg told her instead of tensing up and trying to escape the pain she needs to let go and relax into the contractions to make this part go faster. I won’t lie I didn’t think Melissa could relax into the contractions and to suggest so was crazy. I was wrong it was at this point Melissa went to another place in her mind and she went with it and relaxed and got in rhythm with the contractions. Labor is a dance and song and Melissa was finally in perfect rhythm. It seemed to not hurt her as much when her mind got to this place. We left the bathroom to the bedroom for the final chapter, pushing.

I was never told so but I had the feeling Bit was not 100% at this point. I believe his heart rate was lower or higher than it should be. Our midwife normally would have slowed Melissa down during this point to prevent tearing but instead she made her hurry. Melissa would push during contractions as hard as she could. I think Melissa thought nothing was happening because she kept saying I am not doing this right. She seemed to be losing motivation and seemed to be getting worn out. Once we saw his head we put Melissa’s hands on the head so she could see all the work she had done. It was the first time I saw Melissa smile and she started pushing like a champ. I don’t know why but for the next three contractions the midwife asked Melissa to take a short walk to the living room and back in between contractions. It seemed to work. Bit’s head was out with a cord wrapped around his neck and arm which our midwife easily slipped off.

In all the excitement I forgot the thing I was most nervous about doing was about to happen. Our midwife asked me to get ready to pull out Bit and put him on Melissa’s belly. I did it and told Melissa it was “a Jackson”. I got to see a glow around Melissa that I have never seen. She did it without a hospital or drugs at our house! This even seemed more amazing when we were told Jackson weighed 9lbs 8oz. Her strength and bravery amazes me and I can’t believe what she had done. No one believed she could do it and I think we even doubted it sometimes. Melissa’s active labor lasted less than 5 hours total including less than an hour of pushing.

Melissa looked at me after he was born and told me she would do this again. I told her to tell me this again in 3 days…and she did. Jackson has amazing parents who fought hard to conceive him and showed strength when he was delivered. I will never forget this moment when our life changed for the better.