The Secret

Ever since it was featured on Oprah last week, I've been seeing and hearing about "The Secret" everywhere. I've seen it on TV, on blogs, on bulletin boards and the last instance was from my own mother. The basic gist of The Secret is: if you believe it and visualize it, it will happen. The reason I bring this up is that my mom was thinking that we are being a little too pessimistic about this whole process and that based on the principles of The Secret we are more or less just asking for this not to be the easiest of processes (not her exact words just my interpretation, sorry mom if I mis-sorta-quoted you).

I get the whole idea of The Secret. I learned this at a very young age when not wanting to go to school I would fake sick and then I'd truly end up getting sick. Our rationale for being cautious and what we feel is realistic about this entire process is more or less a protection mechanism. I've always tried not to get too excited about something just in case it didn't work or happen in the way I anticipated. That way (theoretically)it wouldn't hurt or be as disappointing.

So in order to make everything right with the universe (and my mom), I'll put it out there:

We believe that this will be an exciting, easy and uncomplicated process.

For the record that sentence took 5 minutes to write and another 10 not to delete. Who knew optimism could be so damn difficult?

The Journey

One concern I have is that we will spend our entire savings and still not have a baby. We have worked so hard to prepare both financially and mentally for a child. I think one thing we are not prepared for is that it won’t work. I have read so many stories of tragedy and happiness. But in each story of happiness there is an obstacle that one has to overcome. Many of the success stories have tragedies at one point in their experience. So what I take from that is maybe we will have some bumps or even mountains but the end result is worth all the sacrifices we may make during our journey.

One more thing.....

Mel and I have told 5 members of our families about our plans. We were really hopeful that they would be happy and excited to hear our news. The great news is that all five were very excited about the news. With or without their blessing we would still want a baby but having people we care about support our decision makes it so much more exciting.

We still haven't told everyone (mainly from my side of the family). I am concerned my sister will not support or recognize the baby as being her niece or nephew unless I am the birth mother. Her beliefs and mine differ but I still love her. She is kind to both Melissa and I but I can't help but wonder if she acknowledges our relationship.

I hope that when I tell my sister about our plans she will be as excited as the five other family members but I remain guarded. I plan to tell her before the insemination process begins. (that gives me at least 3 more months) Knowing me I will wait until the last minute.

Babies Babies Everywhere

One thing I have noticed since we started the baby-planning process is the number of babies and pregnant people that are all around. It makes me dream of the possibilities and become even more excited about having a baby.

Melissa and I printed a list of 15 possible donors and we separately ranked the ones we liked. I was surprised to find how similar our rankings were. Our first three were in the exact order and our bottom 5 was the same but in a different order. It shocked me but made me realize that Melissa and I are on the same page and will have an easier time agreeing on a donor. I know we are premature in looking for donors but we want to research as much as we can before we begin.

Since starting the blog I have read so many other blogs. I find you learn so much more from your peers on blogs. Thanks to everyone for sharing so much helpful information.

How do you like them apples

This is nothing like buying apples at the grocery store. If only it were that easy.

Bruises or soft spots…no…purchase.

But alas there is way more to it than that. Even though we aren’t even going to start the insemination process until early summer we were too excited to sit on our hands and do nothing so we decided to go window shopping.

Amy and I decided on 3 main criteria (aside from Caucasian) for our donor:

1. Open donor – this was a bit of a debate in our house, but in the end we decided it was important that our child be afforded the opportunity to contact the donor if he/she wanted.

2. Blue eyes – we both have blue eyes so this was a give in.

3. Over 5’10” – I just have images of Katie Homes towering over Tom Cruise and would hate for this to happen if we have a boy (vain I know).

I'm sure as we get closer and the actual time comes to select our "Top Three" our tier two criteria will come more into play.

Doctor

Our next step is to track Melissa’s next three cycles to find out the best time to take try to become pregnant. The hardest part so far is making sure we have read everything and are being patient in the information gathering stage. This stage is definitely the most important part of our journey.

We will not go to the doctor again until we have tracked three complete cycles. It should take around four months to finish. In the mean time our doctor has recommended Melissa take folic acid and make a couple of diet changes. We are going to use the Doctor’s recommended sperm bank (California Cryobank) and select three donors we are interested in using. We have to select three because sometimes donors are not available because of the limits the donor can be used.

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward four months to start the insemination process but I guess we should enjoy the time we have now. From everything we have read it will be a roller costar ride once the insemination process begins. Therefore, I will try to remember to enjoy the present because it may be bumpy once we start living our lives in 2-week cycles. But the ride will hopefully be worth it, to fulfill our dreams of having a child.