April 7, 2008


Well we received some bad news today at the doctor’s office. Melissa didn’t have large enough follicles and it looks like she will not ovulate this month. Our Doctor recommended we take three months off and try birth control to give her body a rest. When we start again she will start on the lowest level of Clomid.

I could see the pain in Melissa’s face when the Doctor was searching for follicles and I felt bad news was coming. I knew when our options came that Melissa would be devastated, and she was.

This whole process is so draining and difficult only those who are and have gone through it can understand the toll it takes on your mind and body. So many lows you are forced to rebound quickly and start again. We both feel so drained and empty. I know most of you will say well it will be good to have a break and you know what you are probably correct but we don’t want to hear that because we didn’t want to take a break.

On the positive side, we may take a trip to Europe with Melissa’s mom that we were hoping to go. I am happy that Melissa and I can have a break without the appointments the testing the temping. I guess we can be “normal” again and prepare for the start of more roller coaster rides in August. We will probably take a break on blogging but both Melissa and I will read to see what is going on with everyone else.

We are lucky because we have made it through this difficult process and we still love each other and have each other. I know that I am VERY lucky to be able to love my best friend and share my life with her.

We will be back……..

April 1, 2008

Out with the old

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been pretty bummed and really didn't have the energy to write about my feelings about another BFN and then about how excited I am to be trying again. Because really I'm not.

I wasn't naive when we first started this whole process, I never really thought we would get it in the first try but moving on to Try #6 is hitting me hard. I took last Monday off as a mental health day at work because I was just not capable of being a functioning human being. So one of the things I decided to do was to put in our garden. On my last trip to the store for a final bag of soil I ended up breaking my toe. Which of course helped make my mental health day all the more healthier.

I now look at my stupid broken toe as a metaphor for our whole TTC experience. It hurt like a bitch but the pain soon eased. I had to remember to be gentle and take care of myself but eventually I was able to move forward. It was this experience that started Mission Fresh Start.

We decided to shake things up a bit. Even though we've talked about it before we never really were able to do it. But now we have...we've officially changed donors. We actually like our new donor better then our old one. He's artistic but has an athletic background, comes from a highly educated family and we really liked all he had to say in his application. Amy also likes that this donor had a baby picture we could look at.

As an ode to a Mission Fresh Start I chopped 12 inches off my hair today and the bonus of it was that my hair will be donated to Locks of Love. Dramatic and cliche I know, but I just have to feel like I have control over something that has to do with my own body. So if cutting my hair after being depressed is cliche, so be it.

Thanks all for your support with our last BFN. I know I have been tagged and I promise promise to do them this week.