Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've been pretty bummed and really didn't have the energy to write about my feelings about another BFN and then about how excited I am to be trying again. Because really I'm not.
I wasn't naive when we first started this whole process, I never really thought we would get it in the first try but moving on to Try #6 is hitting me hard. I took last Monday off as a mental health day at work because I was just not capable of being a functioning human being. So one of the things I decided to do was to put in our garden. On my last trip to the store for a final bag of soil I ended up breaking my toe. Which of course helped make my mental health day all the more healthier.
I now look at my stupid broken toe as a metaphor for our whole TTC experience. It hurt like a bitch but the pain soon eased. I had to remember to be gentle and take care of myself but eventually I was able to move forward. It was this experience that started Mission Fresh Start.
We decided to shake things up a bit. Even though we've talked about it before we never really were able to do it. But now we have...we've officially changed donors. We actually like our new donor better then our old one. He's artistic but has an athletic background, comes from a highly educated family and we really liked all he had to say in his application. Amy also likes that this donor had a baby picture we could look at.
As an ode to a Mission Fresh Start I chopped 12 inches off my hair today and the bonus of it was that my hair will be donated to Locks of Love. Dramatic and cliche I know, but I just have to feel like I have control over something that has to do with my own body. So if cutting my hair after being depressed is cliche, so be it.
Thanks all for your support with our last BFN. I know I have been tagged and I promise promise to do them this week.
8 years ago
14 comments:
Hey, I just came over here to check in on you b/c it had been so long and I was wondering how you were taking everything .... sorry you've been as blue as I sort of anticipated you might have been. I'm all for hair chops (I did mine a couple weeks ago) and the new donor sounds like a really smart move. Good for you. Take care!
I am sorry you are hurting so bad.. i dotn know how i can do cycle 2 let alone 6, you are much stronger than me... thank you for your support... i hope we can all get this thing on the road sometime soon. x
I agonised over switching donor. It felt like waiting for a bus - we'd been waiting so long for this guy to work that I just felt if we ditched him and left the bus stop, he'd have done the trick, except for we hadn't shut around. (Ok, well, it made sense in my head!)
Once we'd done it, I never even looked back. Weird.
And how cool - I didn't know you could donate your hair - I wish I'd known that when I had all mine chopped off!
I don't think chopping your hair is dramatic or cliche. I think it's a rite of passage in a way, and it's a very important one! Here's to your fresh start.
im so so sorry... 6 was hard for us to. Just remember there is magic around every corner. Maybe this is your turn. Just be kind to yourselves - and enjoy the new hairdo.
I've found a huge mental shift trying to go from try 4 to try 5. Once you hit the 5/6 mark, I think you are officially "not new" at the process and it starts to feel really defeating. Hope the hair cut and the fresh start is helpful. This is so so so so so hard. :(
Glad that you are back and I'm cheering on Mission Fresh Start! I think cutting hair off can be symbolic, but I wouldn't say cliche! Here's to starting again with new hope and a new donor and a new haircut!
Mission Fresh Start sounds like a good plan. congrats on finding a great donor!
I'm all about a fresh start! Good luck girls!
I think I took a month or two off after try #6. I highly recommend the month or two off! But I hope this one will work.
A new donor is always exciting. Like you finally broke up with that loser guy and now you're in the honeymoon stage again.
I'm so sorry. I hope that your new donor gets the BFP for you! I was just thinking of changing donors last night... Good Luck!
Despite how difficult I know this is right now, I am thrilled at all your new beginnings! So much love is going to come out of the heartache of the last six cycles. I'm all for the new donor and will be cheering you on for your next (last!) cycle. xo
I'm hangin in there with you all. My love to you both. Aunt DD
way to go on choosing a new donor. that's a difficult thing for sure - but i think that is a positive step in the right direction of fresh starts!!! awesome that you donated your hair too. do we get some pics of the new do??? i am wishing you tons of good luck for this next cycle. we're all routing for you!!! hugs.
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