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July 22, 2007

The Donor

Well...Mel and I have selected a donor and a back up donor. It's very exciting and makes it more real. Our decision was first based on instinct and family history. We also wanted a donor that had blue eyes since both of us have blue eyes. We also wanted an open donor. Melissa thinks we should order enough supply for 3 months or 6 vials (our doctor does 2 insemination's a cycle). I hope that everything works out and that is enough. I know that the averages say that isn't enough but I am optimistic that 3 mths is enough.

How did everyone else decide on their donor?

7 comments:

Holly said...

LOL! We choose ours mostly on looks! We had a few requirements, including CMV negative status, open donor, and some features and ancestry similar to mine.
I liked this kinda dorky philosophical guy and Lois liked the "good looking" guy. After several attempts with the smart guy, we gave up and went with the cute one!

amyjay said...

Congrats on choosing your donor!

Our donor selection process has changed for us over the past year and a half...we used to have a long list of criteria (down to predicting what type of shoes we thought he would choose-I'm not being serious here). At some point filling those shoes became less important.

Health history is obviously at the top of our considerations list.

We used a willing to be known donor for the first 3 insems. Each time it cost us around $1060 for 2 vials and shipping. When we moved to an RE we began using the local bank they work with. Known donors were not an option. I hate that finances dictated our change. It now only costs us $200/vile (with a low, batch shipping fees).

One thing that narrows our options greatly is: I want a red-headed donor! DP is a red-head. There are only 3 red-heads at the bank we are using. We just bought our 1st vial of #2...with #3 not being an option due to height and weight concerns (he's also more auburn). DP is willing to toss that criteria out the window; I'm not quite at that point yet.

Truth be told, I wish we had not used the same donor for so long (8 cycles). Our RE had made a comment that he believes women change donors to frequently; when usually the sperm is not the problem. Further, we got pregnant on our first try with this donor (early loss). We had gotten attached to the idea of this particular donor being the one for us.

I'm no longer so sentimental. Changing donors is one thing we have control with in this process. My new rule--3 strikes and your out.

Well, I'm off, waiting for insem #11.....or is it #12? Either way I hope this new donor makes all the difference.

oneofhismoms said...

I selected my donor in a crazed obsesive fit. You can read all about it in my blog. http://oneofhismoms.wordpress.com

I just want to say that with this donor, the amount you order doesn't mean too much, because you can always choose a different one. But if you have a child and want a sibling with the same donor, I'd really overestimate how much you're going to need. I made the mistake of underestimating (we actually bought six vials) and now we need to use a different donor.

Good luck to you both!

vee said...

We had a really hard time picking, despite the fact that we got next to no information about each of the 3 they offered. We only had weight, height, eye colour, hair colour and likes to go on - literally all written on a little sticker - no photos or personal essays - I really don't think we'd have coped with that!

We went for someone who would hopefully balance out my tendancy to put on weight, as we thought this would be a positive characteristic for the kid. The guy we picked also has proven fertility.

It's interesting what amyjay said about red-headed donors. We made it clear that we would happily have a red-headed donor, as we have a fondness for red hair, despite not being red ourselves. The doctor said they had plenty of red-headed sperm, as many couples expressly rule it out!!

We're not able to buy vials for future use - it simply doesn't work like that here, possibly due to the sperm shortage. We're not even sure we'll be able to have the same donor for future IUIs, so we may have to pick again next month. The final choice rested with jay, as I'll be carrying the baby, and she found it really hard to choose as she felt she was judging them solely on looks/weight, which she would never do in real life. Of course, we didn't have anything else to go on, and it's not like we were picking them as friends! Donors in the UK don't get paid for donating, so it felt really ungrateful somehow to reject two of them.

Having made the choice, it did feel exciting, as you say. Good luck!

Sara said...

It's a big decision! We had E figure out most of the criteria since I am carrying. I participated in the choosing, but E had final say over all choices (and still does.)

She wanted someone of Irish heritage, blue eyes and brown hair. We also wanted a perfect health history, something to balance out my tendency to put on weight, and someone that matched E's interests. We spent hours pouring over options from all different banks and eventually settled (agreed!) on one that fit E's physical criteria and likes.

That was over two years ago. Three or four donors later, we have a known donor w/ blue eyes who isn't too heavy. If next time doesn't work, who knows how we'll make the decision....

Erin said...

sara basically answered for me. so, ditto on her response!

GOOD luck!!!

Amanda said...

VERY exciting! It's great that you both felt good about the donors you picked, too.
With us, it was more a matter of blending our ethnicities (a feat much easier on my side than on T's).
The last donor we picked, we picked because he fit all of our physical characteristics, his family medical history was great, and we just fell in love with the little private sperm bank lady. She was too sweet! We both had a good feeling about using them, and despite their limited donor list, they had exactly what we were looking for.