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July 29, 2008

Not the news we were hoping for

Well we're out again. CD15 and the doctor has called this cycle a bust. I was actually more upset about it yesterday than today when the final decision was made. What helped is today we saw a small light at the end of the tunnel. Next cycle we are going to be put on 100mg of clomid and if it's another unsuccessful cycle we are going to be transferred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) where we will move on to injectables. Our visit today has given us some hope back where yesterday we had none.

Given all that has been going on over this past year of TTC I have decided to draw a line in the sand. So...for all those people who know me in real life and read this blog I am no longer going to be talking about TTC. Please respect that this is a subject I no longer wish to talk about. I know all comments, questions and concerns have come out of a place of love and caring but for my own well being I no longer want to discuss it.

TTC has reminded me of being at the funeral of a loved one. No one really knows what to say (especially when they haven't experienced it themselves) and the kindhearted words of encouragement and sympathy that are uttered do nothing to make you feel any better for what you are going through. On the flip side, I'm sure it's not easy for others to question how we are doing for fear of being too intrusive or dreading the negative answer that is bound to come their way.

This does not mean that I won't continue to share my thoughts and feelings openly on this blog but I would just like to keep them here. This place has become our little safe haven on the web where we can share our sadness, vent our frustrations and celebrate in the joy of others successes. TTC has already become such an all encompassing, uncontrollable part of our lives that I just need some time to take back some control and set up some boundaries.

Thank you all (our web friends and in real life) for helping us get through these past months.

12 comments:

Eva said...

OMG. I am so sorry that this is happening to you but I can totally relate about the frustration and the twists and turns of the TTC journey. But you have a great attitude. I totally 'get' not wanting to talk about it in real life. The Repro blogosphere has been my safe haven for one and a half years. Good luck and know that I will be supporting you all the way.

embers said...

I am so sorry to hear that you had to skip this cycle. Waiting to even start is so tough. I call it waiting to wait. I just had to skip this cycle and will be starting on clomid next month.

Some of my closest friends have learned not to ask and to let me be the one to bring it up. I am so grateful for that. I need people to just assume there is no news unless they hear otherwise.

Lizzie said...

Beyond frustrating. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have a plan, though, and know where you're headed after this cycle. Thinking of you.

J said...

It's so hard to have a cycle canceled mid way through. That happened to us last month and I was deeply saddened. I know you are drawing that line in the sand, but if youi ever want to just vent it out, we are always here!

vee said...

So disappointing to be out for this cycle, though having that light to move towards is good for the sanity.

I understand about wanting to draw a line under this is your everyday life. People, however well meaning, can never find the right thing to say because there isn't one.

Holly said...

I'm very sorry.
We will be here for you. No matter what.

Bree said...

So sorry. I'm thinking about you both, and wishing this cycle had gone differently.

As to your decision to set limits about how you'll share your TTC process, that strikes me as one of the sanest ways to do it.

During my first round of TTC, I overshared with friends, family, even coworkers. I wish I hadn't, especially since their follow up questions (although well-meaning) seemed to compound the disappointment of a negative.

This round, the only people who know I'm even trying again are my partner, the RE staff, and my blog readers. It takes off so much pressure.

Best to you both. May your next steps be easier.

All U Need is LOVE......(and swimmers) said...

I'm so sorry to hear of another busted month!! We are entering our 3rd year of ttc and getting ready to start injectibles in another month and a half. I hope you are able to have success and avoid going to that next step. We went thru the same thing with shutting down the IRL discussions about the journey. You're both in our thoughts!!

Ashes To Life said...

Then I look forward to whatever thoughts and feelings you do share...

Kim said...

I feel ya on the waiting! It sucks!

Everyone keeps telling me....good things come to those who wait. Does that mean those of us who wait a LONG time get more good stuff? :o)

tbean said...

So sorry you had to cancel mid-way through, esp. after your long break. Thinking of you both!
xoxo

tiff said...

Sorry to read this news. My thoughts are with you girls. xo

Congrats on the new kitty cat - she is adorable.