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January 25, 2010

Percentages

It seems like eons ago and just yesterday that we got the call from the RE's office telling us of Bit's existence. Now here we are impatiently waiting for his/her arrival. It's weird how this part of pregnancy is filled with so many conflicting feelings like excitement vs. terror.

As each day passes and Bit's appearance in the world comes closer, the excitement percentage seems to go down as the terror percentage rises. I think that's why Amy and I are doing so well at getting our to do list done. It's something we have control over, something that we know and can manage. Bit's birth is something that is beyond our control and experience, it's scary to have to just go along for the ride rather than be the driver. I think that might be one of many lingering scars left over from our struggles TTC. Almost everything was so regimented. How much Follistim we inject, what our levels are, when we trigger, how many DPO we are. All of these things are concrete and certain. To go from that to this free floating unanswerable place is a bit jarring.

Everyone keeps saying that part of the reason sleeping for me has become nonexistent is because it's my body's way of prepping for the sleepless nights with a baby. I guess I should look at these terror feelings as preparation as well. Something I should embrace rather than try and fight. Maybe doing this will help change out the percentages and I'll get back more of the excitement.

9 comments:

tireegal68 said...

wow - you are so close! I would be totally freaking out too!
When I thought I might be pregnant last time I switched over from the TTC blahs to the oh my god what are we going to do with a baby scary fears!
Apparently people do this all the time and get through it and you gals are super prepared, super committed and little Bit is so loved. I am sure you will figure it out somehow - but remind me I said this when it's my turn.
I can't wait to hear how things progress and I really hope you have a gentle calm birth experience!

B. said...

I'm right behind you, and the "holy cow, what are we doing?" is starting to set in. Excitement still outweighs trepidation, though. hurray for a full term Bit! Hang in there. It'll be bliss once you see that sweet face.

N said...

The "holy cow what are we doing" terror only escalated for us once she was here. I remember thinking - they're letting us take her? out of the hospital? ALONE? WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?

Luckily, it's usually overshadowed by the immense feelings of love and gratitude. It will all be okay.


(and oh man, what they say about the sleep problems being preparation are totally correct. my partner is having way more trouble adjusting to the lack of sleep than I am. I'm more like - SCORE! I'm getting more than an hour at a time!)

mekate said...

First, I am so excited for you that bit's arrival is so close! it does seem just a moment ago you got your positive, and in other ways, it seems like a long, long time. I imagine that being on the cusp of this transition has to be insanely scary- I'd be control freaking all over the place to overcompensate.

You'll all do great, you'll all figure it out, and someday you will sleep well again.

terror and excitement seem pretty reasonable bedmates at the moment, I;d say!

wishing you all the best as you move into these last few weeks of pregnancy and into the first weeks of parenting your little one from the outside rather than the inside.

sending love,
Kate

Lisa said...

18 days! Time is really flying by. You've gotten a lot accomplished this pregnancy. I'm totally in awe of the both of you.

Dani and Dru said...

Time is flying! cant wait!

Gayby Rabies said...

I'm in the opposite place right now. Each day that passes, my fear that this pregnancy will go badly gets just a little smaller. I imagine I'll have one day of pure bliss somewhere in the second trimester before the fear of how I'll do raising a child sets in. I know everyone gets freaked out when they're about to bring a baby home, but you two are going to be great parents.

addingbaby said...

I promise that you'll be fine! I too struggle/d with have some control over everything. Just try to enjoy each day (though it can be hard when you're waiting), take baths, nap if you can, and know that you're going to be moms soon. The joy is just beginning....

xo

Next in Line said...

Waiting is tough! I was so late and felt like I was waiting forever. I recommend movies with the aisle seat for easy bathroom access. Good entertainment that you won't have time for later.