I was so hoping this year would begin with a happy start but all I feel today is sad, disappointed and like a failure. Follicle scan was a bust again with follicles being too small. So now I'm on Provera waiting for our next try.
This is starting to become a very very old and tired story. 18 months of the same crap month after month has started to have a negative effect on me and my life. All this process has done is slowly chip away at my happiness. Feeling for months that I'm broken and a failure takes it's toll and I'm starting to wonder how much more I can handle. There are only so many tears I can cry.
I'm spending the rest of the day in bed with the covers over my head and then have to go out to dinner. Put on a fake happy smile and make small talk about things I couldn't care less about.
8 years ago
10 comments:
I'm so sorry today is such a bad day. I'm glad you wrote so we could be here to give you support.
Huge hugs to you. I feel every word you write--how many tears can I cry? How many times can I say and think the same things over and over? How many months can I endure? I feel a lot of happiness has been chipped away.
Thanks for your wonderful comment. I'm hanging in, sometimes barely, right there next to you. We can do this! xo
I hope you'll consider cancelling your dinner plans if you can. There is no need to get out there and put on a happy face as a front.
However, sometimes forcing yourself out can make things feel a little better. Do what you feel you want to do, not what others need you to do.
I'm sorry you're having such a terrible day.
i'm sorry you're having a rough day and got such crappy news this morning. a forced break really sucks. i have spent many, many days curled up in bed, hiding under the covers. sometimes it's all that helps. sending you hugs.
Oh Melissa, I'm sending you so much love.
Nothing I can say will make it better, so I leave you a hug. Hang in there.
(((hugs)))
I had to break for those same reasons. Too much heartache and broken hope can really tarnish even the shiniest heart. I wish there was something I could do for you but I can't so I'll just send some hope and love your way instead. xo
{{{HUGS}}} I'm so sorry. I too had to skip this month because I didn't have the right size follicles. IT SUCKS!! I understand feeling like a failure, but we shouldn't. We shouldn't!! I don't know that I have the right thing to say, but know I'm here. Going through this with you. Better days will come. I promise.
Oh sweetie. Dam it. Sometimes the best thing to do is go under the covers for a while. Best of luck getting through this and then mustering up the courage to start the next cycle.
Crap. I am so sorry to read your update. I hope the Provera makes a big difference for you and you have a totally different experience next cycle. I remember so clearly how frustrating it was to feel time slipping away, wondering what our silver bullet would be. Sending big hugs your way...
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