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February 8, 2009

First

For the first time since this process begin I am the one having trouble dealing with the emotions of waiting and preparing. Being the supporter/partner in the insemination process has been easy for me. It is my job to help Melissa deal with the bad results and let downs we have had for the past 2 years.

As most of you know (until last week) we have not made it to the actual insemination step since last August. Now I think I am rusty because I am so terrified of the results more than ever. I am worried about Melissa and how she will take the news. Every time I see her upset because of a bad outcome it takes a little piece of me away. It is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Watching her hurt so bad over something we don't have any control over is so difficult. We both think about how much more we can take and I am not sure what the answer is. I think Melissa worries about me now because the last couple weeks have been so hard on me.

I know I am being very negative, which is another first for me. But I have to prepare to protect Melissa. I just want to have a positive result so bad so we can start having a new focus.

4 comments:

anofferingoflove said...

Sending you hugs, this process is so draining. Hope you get that positive/new focus soon.

Two Moms With A Plan said...

I know how you feel. I hate seeing Holly hurt when we don't get our BFP. The best advice I can give is continue to be there for each other. Unfortunately we have no control over the ttc results... we just have to deal with whats given to us and move forward. Try to stay positive and strong for Melissa - this will happen for you two when the time is right. Lots of luck and loads of baby dust your way!

Next in Line said...

Having been both the 'husband' and the one in the stirrups, I can say that neither is a walk in the park. Sometimes I am the one that pulls us through the hard times and sometimes she does. It's like being Batman and his boy wonder, Robin. Both take some blows for the cause.

PS.Waiting sucks, but I am so happy that you are finally got a try in :)

eeney meeney miney mommy said...

You are such a caring and loving partner but don't forget my love, that you need taking care of too. I always worry about my wife playing the support role through this and I hope I am giving her as much as she is giving me in terms of support. This does suck the life out of you doesn't it? Somehow though, we seem to find ways to keep going. I hope you don't have to carry on this way for more than one last cycle.
Love to you.