How Naive

The first six weeks were easy breezy. I have to admit that I was actually getting a little cocky thinking that I would be that one in a hundred that would skate by the first trimester. Well reality has set in my friends and it is not happy with me for thinking I could be above all the symptoms.

Ironically, the morning is the best time for me but when 2:00 hits it's not pleasant. I have yet to throw up (I HATE throwing up and will do everything and anything to avoid it). I really don't understand why it seems that women don't tell each other the unpleasantness of pregnancy. I can't even count the number of pregnant women who said they were feeling great when you asked how they were doing. LIARS!!

Telling the truth doesn't make you less grateful for where you are or less deserving of a child. So I will attempt to be as honest as possible about what we are going through during this pregnancy even if the truth might be ugly.

Ultrasound on Thursday!!

Fear

I think I've been holding it together pretty well. I'm making an effort to enjoy this pregnancy and not let fear come into it and rule my every thought.

I just found out a co-worker is miscarrying. She's 8 weeks along. I now feel like I'm drowning in fear, I can't keep my hands from shaking or get my heart to stop racing. I just don't want this to be us.

And I also fear when it's my turn to tell the office of our pregnancy. How her heart will break, how she will put on a smile but be crying inside and how she will think how her baby would have been born around the same time.

Why does TTC always have to be so hard?

Ultrasound #1 Scheduled

Thanks everyone for there input. The more Amy and I think about it and do our internet searches we are more and more convinced that there will be only one little one that will be on the ultrasound. Your feedback has helped confirmed it and eliminated the stress.

We were supposed to go in for our first ultrasound this Friday (7 weeks) but I have to go out of town for the day on business and then our RE is out the beginning of next week so we'll go in the morning of the 2nd. We're disappointed that scheduling conflicts has pushed it out a week but are telling ourselves there will be more to see since we'll be close to 8 weeks then.

I'll go in this Friday to make sure my progesterone level has gone up. I didn't realize how taking progesterone two times a day would kick my ass. No extreme symptoms just general waves of ickiness. In these moments I remember how long and hard we fought to get here and how many are still out there fighting. I try so hard not to cry or whine but I have to admit that sometimes it's hard.

More to Love???

I feel so boring. Not sure what to write about anymore. I guess we'll get our groove back and figure things out as we move along.

Beta #3 came back today. Before I do the big reveal I'll talk about progesterone levels. Today is 28DPO and my level was at 14.5 so the RE has me taking progesterone two times a day (instead of 1) to get that number up.

Okay now for the beta...

Beta #1: 14DPO-115
Beta #2: 21DPO-2420
Beta #3: 28DPO-22,971

So needless to say we are freaking out a little bit that there might be more than one in there. Don't get me wrong we'd be happy with twins, it's just one of those things we never pictured for ourselves.

How do these numbers look to you? 1 or 2?

Beta #2

Everything seems to be trucking along nicely.

14DPO: 115
21DPO: 2420

Which gives us a doubling time of 1.59 days. Doctor wants me to stay on the progesterone and go in again for another beta next Friday. Then we'll do our first ultrasound at 7 weeks.

We're very relieved at the numbers so far. I guess after doing this so long it's hard not to slip into my Bitter Betty and Debbie Downer personalities. I'm trying very hard not to worry and enjoy this time. So far no real symptoms, just getting worn out more quickly and sleeping like crap. All things I can handle.

XOXO

We are blown away by all your well wishes and your true joy at our amazing news. It's ironic that you try for so long for a certain end goal, knowing full well what you're trying to obtain and once you're there it seems so unbelievable and strange.

It's because of all your support along the way that we're able to come to this strange new place and slowly start to accept it's reality. If it wasn't for all your encouragement, throughout these 2 years, picking us up when we were down, gluing us back together when we were shattered time and time again we wouldn't be on this side of the TTC journey.

We are completely happy, thrilled and above all grateful. We know how truly lucky we are and are extremely sensitive to the fact that seeing someone else's BFP can be painful (even while you share in the joy). For not one moment will take this for granted and we'll continue to be here for you. I hope you'll still be here for us as well because even though we got this far we selfishly need your continued words of encouragement as we continue on this journey.

HUGE hugs and kisses to all of you!!

Beta #2 will be this Friday. Will keep you posted.

Holy Shit!?!...and a bunch of other swear words

We are still in complete shock!

Beta at 14 DPO: 115

Sicky McSickerson

Well today is 11 DPO. I refuse to test because that whole process has become too depressing so we'll wait for Friday's beta result. In the meantime I seem to have caught a cold (sore throat, headache and runny nose) so I'm sleeping most of the day away which I hope will make the time go by quickly.

We'll check back on Friday with the news.