YAY!! All your positive thoughts worked. Follicle grew to 19mm. So it looks like we are good to go on Saturday. Ordered the swimmers this morning and if I don't surge on my own I go in tomorrow afternoon for an HCG trigger shot. Thanks all for your encouragement :)
So after a sleepless night of stressing out about another failed follicle scan everything kinda worked out (so far). Today is CD12 and I have one 13mm follicle. I guess I was just greedy and wanting more than one. I know, I know, one is all you need but I still was hoping for more, especially on the 100mg of clomid I was on. So I go back Thursday morning for another scan to see if we are still being given the green light to continue this cycle.
I swear the TWW is going to be a piece of cake after all these starts and stops we’ve been going through during the first half of the cycle. So please everyone send positive thoughts our way that we can actually give it a real go this cycle after months of sitting on the bench.
Passed my clomid check with flying colors. So we're on to Try #6 again. Follicle scan next Tuesday and I start my 100mg of clomid tomorrow. While I was getting everything in order today I realized that because of these past few months of forced breaks and annovulatory cycles we haven't even gotten a chance to use our new donor yet. Hopefully, this time we can give it a go.
It's hard to believe that we are still on Try #6, we've been on Try #6 since March. We've now hit 1 year of TTC with nothing but tears and heartache to show for it. It's amazing to read back how bright eyed and excited we were 12 months ago and how much more hardened we've come to this whole experience. It sometimes feels more like a second job where I'm only being given night shifts and working minimum wage. I just have to keep hoping that this past year has been for something. I can honestly say that doing this has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I hope it's over soon.
We'd like to introduce you all to the latest addition to our family. This is Fern.
She was found in a box with a rock on it in a dumpster behind my work last week (it's hard to believe there are people in the world who would do that). Poor little thing was only 4 weeks old and itty bitty. She's now up to 1 pound!!
Campbell is in love, he plays and sleeps with her. Olive is slowly warming up to her, cautiously sniffing her and even napping with her today. Ivy on the other hand is not really excited about having a new sister, but with everything it always takes longer for Ivy to adapt to change.
Fern has been a great addition to our family and has definitely added some excitement to our days (and interrupted sleep at night).
Well we're out again. CD15 and the doctor has called this cycle a bust. I was actually more upset about it yesterday than today when the final decision was made. What helped is today we saw a small light at the end of the tunnel. Next cycle we are going to be put on 100mg of clomid and if it's another unsuccessful cycle we are going to be transferred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) where we will move on to injectables. Our visit today has given us some hope back where yesterday we had none.
Given all that has been going on over this past year of TTC I have decided to draw a line in the sand. So...for all those people who know me in real life and read this blog I am no longer going to be talking about TTC. Please respect that this is a subject I no longer wish to talk about. I know all comments, questions and concerns have come out of a place of love and caring but for my own well being I no longer want to discuss it.
TTC has reminded me of being at the funeral of a loved one. No one really knows what to say (especially when they haven't experienced it themselves) and the kindhearted words of encouragement and sympathy that are uttered do nothing to make you feel any better for what you are going through. On the flip side, I'm sure it's not easy for others to question how we are doing for fear of being too intrusive or dreading the negative answer that is bound to come their way.
This does not mean that I won't continue to share my thoughts and feelings openly on this blog but I would just like to keep them here. This place has become our little safe haven on the web where we can share our sadness, vent our frustrations and celebrate in the joy of others successes. TTC has already become such an all encompassing, uncontrollable part of our lives that I just need some time to take back some control and set up some boundaries.
Thank you all (our web friends and in real life) for helping us get through these past months.
