Jinxed Myself

Today is CD3, I just knew when I wrote the last post that I was screwing up all hope that things would fall into place. Now here's hoping next cycle isn't 44 days long.

Every year (before the New Year) Amy and I compile a list of 5 things we want to accomplish in the upcoming year. My list for 2007 was:

1. Learn to knit
2. Go to a play
3. Get married
4. Train Campbell to be a therapy dog
5. Finish Amy's quilt

I got all of the above accomplished but #5 so now I am madly sewing away in an attempt to get Amy's quilt at least 1/2 done before the New Year. I'm sitting here typing this because I've run out of thread and I'm trying to find anything I can do to not leave the house to go to the store. I finished shopping early because I didn't want to fight the crowds but with this post I have exhausted all procrastination attempts and am going to head out the door. Wish me luck!

Congrats to the Family O on the birth of their new son!

CD44

Yep, you read that right, CD44!! I'm starting to get worried that we're going to have to sit out the equivalent of 2 months. If CD 1 starts soon then we won't be able to do an IUI because of the holidays and if the next cycle is this long that will bring us into February. Now I'm hoping CD1 doesn't come for a while so we can actually do an IUI the first week in January. I totally blame all of this on the crazy cycle where my temp didn't drop until CD9, nothing has been the same since that one.

Thanks all for your advice on the prescription. I ended up running to Wal-mart last night and got my 100mg prescription for $18!! Which is even cheaper then I was getting my 50mg dose at. The pharmacist was starting to go over the information on the drug until he saw the dosage amount. At which point he paused and said I'm sure with this dosage you're old hat at this by now and don't really need me to run through this with you. *sigh* I don't want to be "old hat" when it comes to fertility drugs.

I'm officially done all my shopping and now all I have to do is get my work finished, house cleaned and suitcase packed for our trip next week!

Quick Question

Has anyone used this site before to get prescriptions? I heard from someone that they got this link from their doctor because their prescriptions weren't covered under insurance. I wanted to see if anyone else had experience with this?

This link goes directly to Clomid
http://medsmex.com/store/product.php?productid=2917&cat=0&page=1

Any opinions/input would be greatly appreciated.

Shake That Bootie

Well it looks like we aren't going to be TTC in December. My Clomid has been increased to 100mg and we are going to be doing monitored cycles. Because I'll have to go in for ultrasounds starting on CD13 it doesn't look like we'll be able to get an insemination in before we leave for Canada on December 20th. Has anyone ever had to increase there dosage of Clomid? Did you notice a huge difference in the intensity of the side effects?

Since we're on a break for a month I have to channel my time and energy elsewhere. So what better place then knitting. My friend (who is pregnant) is having a birthday this week so I decided to knit her an apple hat along with some matching booties.

I hate being right

It's official we're done for this cycle. Just got the call from the doctor's office confirming that I didn't ovulate. I'm going in on Friday to discuss next steps. I'm sure one of which is going to be putting me on a higher dose of Clomid which I'm oh so excited about. Good news is I get a few extra drinking days out of this cycle and I'll definitely need it for the baby shower I'm going to on Saturday ;)

We've also decided to switch donors. Since we've tried our current one for three cycles (well technically two as this one doesn't count) we thought we'd look to see if anyone else catches our fancy. Plus, with the monitoring we'll only be doing one IUI instead of two which means we only have to buy half of the vials that we purchased last time which will be nice on the bank account right before the holidays. My only fear is that we'll have to sit next month out because of Christmas. Guess we'll find out more on Friday.

Thanks for all of Amy's birthday wishes. If she didn't have so much fun out last night with her friends I'm sure she would thank you herself :)

9/8 DPI

Today we are 9/8 days past insemination and I'm not feeling anything. Which is nice because that means there is nothing to obsess over. I'm still not convinced I've ovulated this cycle mostly based on the 2 low temps I did take after the trigger shot. So that being said I don't really think that I should be having any symptoms. I went and got my progesterone test yesterday so we'll see what that has to say later on next week.

This TWW (two week wait) has gone by so fast, I think that the combination of no temping, thinking I didn't ovulate plus a lot going on in life has really kept my mind off things. Also the end of Thanksgiving brings the start of the Christmas season. Amy and I put up our Christmas decorations and bought some lights to put up outside (I LOVE Christmas).

Amy's birthday is Monday so we have enough stuff planned to help keep us distracted for the last half of the TWW until our doctor's appointment on Friday when we find out the protocol for our monitored cycle in December.

An apple a day...

I have a couple friends who are pregnant and one of the baby showers is coming up in the next few weeks so I decided to roll up my sleeves this weekend and try and knit a fruit baby hat. Since she's having a boy I figured an apple hat is masculine enough. I was actually surprised at how easy it was to make.

Here is a picture of the final product. Next I'm going to make a lemon hat and a lime hat for the other friend who doesn't know what she's having yet.



On the baby front I have officially broken up with my thermometer. I refuse to temp even one more day. According to my thermometer my temp has not risen and therefore I have not ovulated. Even though I was on 50mg of Clomid and had a trigger shot. All that damn thing does is cause me more stress and second guessing. I'm getting my progesterone levels checked on Friday so we will see if this cycle is over earlier then we would have hoped.

If this cycle doesn't work out we've decided to do monitored cycles with the doctor from now on so that we can have a better clue what the hell is going on.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Doctor Visit

This week we thought Melissa would ovulate during the middle of the week. However, it is the middle of the week and that hasn't happened. Our doctor let us have a flexible arrangement during this cycle and told us just call the day before to set the appointment. We called and scheduled an appointment for Tuesday. On Tuesday morning we changed our mind because we didn't believe the strips were dark enough to warrant an insemination. The doctor who is out of the office on Wednesday had the receptionist call us today and told us to come in at 3:00. Melissa and I were worried because we felt it was too early, and that it would be a waste today. We decided to take a stand against her opinion. We voiced our concerns that we should wait until tomorrow and if we still are not closer to ovulation to inseminate and then use a trigger shot. Then we would have our second insemination either Friday or Saturday whenever we had a positive.

We felt a little guilty because both the doctor and the nurse came to the office just for our visit. But we were confident that we made the right decision and that we didn't feel pressured to "waste" one vial today. Our doctor understood and provided us the second option so we feel very grateful.

Wish us luck on our timing and that we don't need the trigger shot.

Blah

I'm so not feeling anything this cycle. I forgot to turn on my fertility monitor until a few days into this cycle, realized I didn't have any OPKs and had to rush out and buy them and I didn't even pick up my clomid prescription until the last possible minute.

I'm hoping that I get that exciting feeling back again, maybe the closer we get to next week it will.

Ready for Round 3

We are officially out this cycle. Since I more or less went through the grieving process on Saturday I'm feeling pretty okay about things today. Went to the doctor and passed by Clomid check so we're ready to go for Try #3. Thankfully it looks like we will be inseminating the week before Thanksgiving so we don't have the holiday's to contend with. I'm actually pretty happy with how flexible my OB/GYN's office is about scheduling, etc. It's nice not to have to stress out about that at least. Guess it helps that we're currently the only patients in the office doing IUI, so we can get special treatment :)

This will be our last try with the donor that we have. If we get to Try #4 I think we might switch to Amy's first choice (he was sold out at the time) or see if any new donor's are in the catalog.

Thanks all for your advice and based on it we've decided to temp up until we have a clear sign that we've ovulated and then we are stopping. It was the temping that really messed with us again so we've decided to cut it out of the process. It is going to be so weird not waking up at 6:30 in the morning to take my temperature. I'm really looking forward to it.

13 DPI - I know you're not supposed to hate your body but I do

Can you guys look at my chart and honestly tell me what the HELL you think is going on. I spent all day yesterday crying, accepting my BFN and temp drop. I had come to terms with it until I woke up this morning and took my temp and got a HUGE temp spike (I even took it 3 times to make sure)!?! I tested BFN again and I really think that's what it is, a BFN but the rest of my body is playing tricks on me. I hate it!

Melissa's Chart

Thank you all for your hugs and thoughts. It's really nuts how people you've never met can make you feel better.

12DPI - Waiting for AF

Temp plummeted. Too sad to test or type.

11DPI - It's Still Early

Negative, but my temp went up rather than down. We're not losing hope yet. Test #2 tomorrow.

10 DPI - Day Before Testing

Progesterone level came back at 21.3, which is good news. Now all we have to do is wait to test. Test #1 will be tomorrow morning, which is also the day when I normally start to see a decline in my temperature so I'm a little nervous.

My chart has also been different this month from the other months. We're trying hard not to get our hopes up too much for fear of the pain if it doesn't work out. So tomorrow is a BIG day. We'll be sure to post tomorrow no matter what the results.

Please send POSITIVE vibes our way!

6 DPI (Days Past Insemination)

We're sitting here at 6DPI with not much to report. I keep telling myself that it's too early for any real symptoms and the ones I think I have I can rationalize. For example,

1. Cramps - I think this is a residual side effect from the clomid, HCG trigger and that damn tenaculum.
2. Lower backache - I took Cam for a 2 mile walk yesterday wearing only flip flops.
3. Tired - I haven't been sleeping very well.

Tomorrow I go in for my 7DPO progesterone check. Last cycle it was 24.9 so we'll see what it is this time around.

The weather has gotten cold here. YAY!! I just finished knitting Amy a scarf so now I can steal it and go take Cam out for a nice, long and cold walk (in proper shoes).

Try #2 IUI #2

Yesterday went well. We did the IUI at 3:00 and I had O pains all afternoon that subsided in the evening and I had a temp rise this morning. I think we did the best we could with the timing. So we are officially in the TWW at 1DPI. I go in next Tuesday (7DPO) for progesterone blood work.

My OB/GYN said that if progesterone numbers are over 30 she tends to think there might be a higher chance for multiples because this would indicate more then 1 egg released. Has anyone heard this before?

Plan B

Just a quick update to say that we are officially in the middle of Plan B. I went in for the trigger shot today at 1pm and we have IUI #2 at 3:00 tomorrow.

This cycle has thrown me for a bit of an emotional loop. Last cycle was so easy with the positive OPK and the back to back IUI perfectly timed. Granted we still got a negative result but this time we've had to put more work into it. Hopefully it pays off.

The good news is Amy has tomorrow off work so she can go with me. Which is a very good thing because apparently I have a tilted uterus so the horrible, painful and evil tenaculum will be a constant in my visits.

Thanks for the positive vibes everyone!

First Stop Frustration Station - UPDATE

Still no positive OPK. Not even a faint line on the test :( Now I'm getting nervous. Not only do we have the ticking clock of the tank to contend with but there is also my history of anovulatory cycles. I'm not liking how I feel especially after I was doing so well with keeping calm and stress free. I'm beginning to feel the waves of panic surround me. Breathe...Breathe...Breathe.

Either way this just sucks, if we do go in tomorrow I'm going to have to go in alone because Amy can't get out of work. Neither of us likes this scenario but it's one of those situations where there is nothing that can be done to change it. I'll bring my iPod and hope, pray and cross everything I can that I don't have to face the evil tenaculum on my own.

The doctor is going to call me this morning so maybe we'll come up with a game plan and I can feel a little more reassured.

UPDATE: Our doctor wants us to come in this afternoon for IUI#1 and if I don't see that I have ovulated by tomorrow then she wants me to come in for a hcg trigger shot and do IUI #2 on Tuesday. If I do get signs of ovulation tomorrow then I go in for IUI #2 tomorrow. Fingers and toes crossed for us please.

Flu shot?

Is anyone getting a flu shot? I normally get one every year but I'm a little nervous about getting one while TTC. I feel like I'm already putting my body through so much with the TTC stress, Clomid, etc. that I think a flu shot would do more harm then good.

I also worry that getting the flu shot right before insemination or right after might have negative effects on implantation and the first stages of the first trimester (if I do in fact get pregnant this cycle).

Am I being hyper-sensitive?

We're hanging in there

Hi all - We're still here. If things go according to plan we'll be going for try #2 on Saturday and Sunday. We've actually been very relaxed this time around. Aside from a couple bad days on Clomid it's been a pretty uneventful few days.

I just got back from seeing the movie "Trade" it's one of those movies that you don't want to say is good because it is very disturbing but it was an eye opening experience and I would recommend seeing it.

Anyone else go to or rent a movie this weekend? Which one?

Permanently Punished?

Ever have one of those weeks when you ask yourself what have I done to deserve this punishment? It's like multiple waves crashing against you and you just can't seem to get out of the water.

Wave 1: BFN from last week
Wave 2: Air conditioner broke (again!). I know some of you are saying so what it's October. Well Texas doesn't believe in fall and currently it's 93 degrees outside and 87 inside. Plus, we just got it fixed 5 months ago.
Wave 3: My supervisor left on an impromptu two week vacation right when there is a lot of stuff going on at work. Lots of back story on this one but lets just say she needed to go and I'm happy she went but it's not going to be an easy two weeks.

I know this may seem like I'm down in the dumps but really I'm not. I'm just wanting the rest of the world to catch up to my state of mind and stop handing me crap. On the plus side, we bought our Christmas tickets to Canada, almost have the work that is being done on our house completed and had an awesome weekend full of fun and bad behavior with no temping, blogging, prenatal vitamins or anything baby.

Hope everyone else had a cool and happy weekend!

UPDATE: We now have A/C and it only cost the $55 service charge. Looks like things are starting to look up!

Down and Out

Well my temp dropped again this morning so I think this is the swan song for this cycle. I'm actually okay with it. Yesterday was my big realization day that this cycle was a bust. I had yesterday to be sad, which wasn't helped by going to book club where the topic of the night seemed to be babies. Are people talking more about babies and baby related things more than normal or am I just picking up on this now?

Anyways, today I'm refreshed and ready for the end of this cycle so we can start on the next one. Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and positive vibes. Please know that every single one of them was heard and felt loud and clear and they really helped me through my disappointment yesterday. Because of them I've picked myself up and am ready to move on again. So I huge HUG to each one of you.

I guess it's wrong to say that this cycle was a bust because I actually learned a lot this time around.

Lesson #1: Keep my big trap shut - We have decided to severely limit the amount of people we are bringing into the "circle of trust" next cycle. I was getting sick of all the "How are you feeling?" questions everyday and all the comments about "Oh, your tired today? I wonder what that could mean?" I know all of this is said out of love but it just added to my anxiety. I think this lesson will come in handy as well when we do become pregnant and we decide when and who to tell.

Lesson #2: The internet is not your friend - Next cycle I'm just going to go on my merry little way and not obsessively look up every single twinge or "symptom" and see if it matches what others have experienced.

Lesson #3: Don't be fooled by the thermometer - Even though it is taking a while for your thermometer to beep that doesn't mean that your temperature will be high. This was my first BIG disappointment yesterday because the thermometer took FOREVER to beep so I thought WOW! my temp must have gone up cause it's taking soooo long to get there. Unfortunately, no. I think it was just too scared to tell me the truth and was holding out for as long as possible.

Lesson #4: Stop Stressing - This one I think will be helped out by following lessons 1, 2 and 3. I just need to try and chill. I am by no means a veteran (and I bow to you out there that have been at this for what I'm sure feels like forever) but I feel like I now have an inkling of what to expect next month which will help.

Does anyone else have any helpful lessons they have learned during this process?

11DPO

Negative and a temp drop this morning. Slowly losing hope for this cycle. Chart is looking like last months :(

Not a Good Way to Wake Up in the Morning

No this is not a post about getting a BFN. It's still to early, and even if we did get a negative instead of a positive I know it could still change. Anyways, on to the BEST Monday morning EVER!

Amy had to leave early for work this morning (6:30) so she let Campbell jump up on the bed and sleep with me until it was time for me to get up. Well I took my temp at 6:30 and was all excited that is was still high and instead of staying in bed and going back to sleep I went into the kitchen to get some water.

I should have known when I stepped in something wet at the threshold that turning on the light was not going to be a good idea. Poor Campbell had projectile vomited all over the bed, sheets, comforter and floor. He was in the midst of dry heaving when I walked in :(

So needless to say I'm tired and so is Campbell. He on the other hand has been spending the morning sleeping while I've had to work. Thankfully, he seems to be on the mend and was happily eating breakfast this morning. I on the other hand am still a bit shaken.

Tick-Tock

Wow the waiting it torture. I never imagined it would be this hard to wait. I wonder if the first time is the hardest or is it equally as hard if you have to do it multiple times. I have so much respect for those that have had to do this over and over again. I definitely will have some guilt if it does happen on our first try.

Right now I am trying not to stress Melissa out by hiding my feelings. However, those that know me know that I can't hide my feelings easily. I find that I am having a difficult time sleeping. Melissa appears to be handing the waiting much better than I am.

I know that a month ago I would have thought our feelings would be reversed. I am just an impatient person. I guess this process is good for me but I hate it. I just want to know NOW if it worked or not. I am very positive and have high hopes this has worked. I am prepared for a negative because the odds are against us for our first try. However I do have hope, probably more hope than I thought I would have on the first try.

Again, another example of how much stronger Melissa is than me.

Austin City Limits

We had such a great weekend hanging out with friends and listening to music. The festival was on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Aside from the scorching heat it was an amazing time.

We got to see:
Pete Yorn
Crowded House
Queens of the Stone Age
Killers
Steve Earle
Augustana
Stephen Marley
Zap Mama
Damian Rice
Indigo Girls
Muse
Robert Earl Keen
DeVotchKa
Lucinda Williams
Regina Spektor
Wilco
Ghostland Observatory
Bob Dylan & His Band

It was a great distraction to just sit, relax and listen to good music.



Thanks Kim (from Mommies in the Making) about your concern for our safety. We weren't close to the fire, Amy received some ash on her face but that was the extent of our injuries.

So today I'm 3/4DPI and completely exhausted. I wish I could chalk it up to pregnancy symptoms but alas it is too early and I know it's simply ACL hangover.

IUI #2

Melissa's biggest fear today is that the nasty tenaculum would be needed during the insemination. Well unfortunately the doctor had to use the tenaculum today. It was so sad because when the doctor mentioned "the word" tears started to flow from Melissa's eyes. I told her to be brave and that it would be okay. It seemed to take less time today than yesterday. Melissa also said it didn't hurt as bad this time as the previous time. Maybe it was the advice given to us for her to not empty her bladder or maybe it was because she knew what to expect this time.

I am so proud of her. This week she has been so strong. I have never seen Melissa go through so much physical pain before. I wish that I could have taken some of the pain away. I am glad that I was there both times.

Thanks to everyone for giving us advice on dealing with the tenaculum. We also would like to thank everyone for supporting us and cheering us on during our first TWW.

P.S. ACL is AWESOME!! We are having a blast.

Torture in the 21st Century

Good news first...we had our first IUI this afternoon! Now the rest of the story.

*Warning the information below might be too traumatic for some readers*

We went in for our IUI, did the whole routine of feet in stirrups, etc. The doctor said everything looked good until she tried to put the catheter needle thing in and she couldn't get it though my cervix, at this point the word tenaculum passed her lips. Now to those of you who are saying "huh, what is this thing she is talking about", let me give you the definition and image of this medieval torture device so you can truly appreciate the afternoon I refer to as hell.

Tenaculum: A long-handled, slender, hooked instrument for lifting and holding parts, such as blood vessels, during surgery.


(Pay particular attention to the sharp pointy ends)

I knew I was in trouble even before she started using the device. One look at the horror that was plastered across Amy's face made me realize that tenaculum was not a fancy medical term for cotton swab.

So at this point she had to use this instrument from satan to clamp my cervix in place and then use it to straighten out the kink (I'm paraphrasing here) so that the catheter could pass though. When she tugged on this thing to straighten out said kink I swear I flew off the table. The pain radiated EVERYWHERE in my lower body. I believe the exact words I screamed were "OH MY GOD!" I'm not even going to pretend that I was brave, tears were streaming down my face. I don't think I would have made it through if Amy wasn't there holding my hand. Needless to say I'm more than sore right now. The thing that made it all worthwhile was that Amy was allowed to push down on the syringe.

I wish the experience wouldn't have been so traumatic. This whole day has made me wonder if I can't handle this kind of pain how am I going to handle childbirth. I'll be honest, I'm scared to go back tomorrow.

Brief Update

I'm on CD15 still no peak on the monitor or +OPK. I did get a faint line on the OPK this morning so it looks like it might be tomorrow. I had a tentative appointment scheduled for this afternoon that I think is going to be canceled and moved to tomorrow. I'm still waiting to hear back from the doctor. *sigh*

UPDATE: Doctor still wants me to come in and we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted.

PASSPORT HELL

Sorry, I need to vent.....

About 5 months ago I applied for a passport and I still do not have it. The other day I decided to call the passport office. I have called before but they only let you talk to someone if you are travelling within two weeks. This time, I called and lied and said I was traveling on Sept. 30th. They told me I will be receiving a letter in the mail claiming I need to prove I am who I am and that I am a US citizen. It took them 5 months to send me this information. I thought okay no big deal, that was until I got the letter.

The US passport office is making me provide 5 forms of ID, list every place I have ever lived, every job I have ever had, every school I have ever attended, and list my families name, birth date, and where they were born.

Thanks to Melissa getting a jump on this it didn't take me as long as the normal person but it was time consuming (Thank God I'm 31 and not 75!). I mean do you know every place you lived and the years you lived there. The most difficult thing to do was the 5 forms of ID. Luckily for me I have an out of state drivers license and a state ID. I also used my social security card and a year book picture (with a copy of the cover). The last form of ID was a copy of my signature/dated contract for my mortgage.

I had to go send this Fed Ex and pay $25 to ship this out. This is such bullshit that I had to go through all of this. It would have been one thing if I would have found this out after 2 months but 5 months later. Keep in mind that this is all after I asked the passport guy if I should rush my passport and he of course said "no you'll get it in pleanty of time to fly to Canada for your wedding". Ummm...no...not so much!

I wonder how long it will take to get my passport now. What a joke.

So Excited

I am so excited about this upcoming week as is Melissa but for two different reasons. Melissa is excited about the upcoming ACL festival and I am excited about finally experiencing our first insemination. Don't get me wrong Melissa is excited but very nervous and ACL is a great distraction from the stress.

I never thought I would be so excited about the first try. About 8 months ago I was preparing to not get excited because the odds of it working on the first try is against us. Now I am so excited that words cannot express my feelings. I believe that there is a chance it will work and the thought of Melissa getting pregnant is so amazing. I can't wait until we start this journey next week.

If you can't tell how excited I am just count the number of times I used excited in this post!

Headaches

I wish the world could just stand still. Is it too hard to have 1 month where everything is perfect and nothing goes wrong so that we can simply focus on TTC. Unfortunately, life around us continues to move without any consideration of our plans.

I swear I'm trying really hard to be all come and zen but I've had a headache for the past 7 days and I'll be the first to admit that it's probably stress related. Work is crazy right now, there are things that need to be fixed in our house and yard, along with coordinating ACL and our insemination. I did check one item off my to do list and got life insurance this week.

Amy keeps telling me to stop stressing about stuff and to let her take on the stress. But that's not the roles of our relationship, I'm the stresser and she is the laid back one. It's going to be hard to let go of control and hand it over to Amy to take over. Today is the first day in 7 days that I've been headache free so I'm taking that as a sign that I'm slowly letting go (NOTE: Amy says I'm totally not!)

Photo Friday - Show and Tell

I'm a little early with posting for Photo Friday but I couldn't help myself.

Tonight we are going out to celebrate my friend Claudia's birthday. And what better way to celebrate then to embarrass your friend by making her dress up as you crawl from bar to bar. In order to do this I made her a tutu and bought her a birthday crown. Since I was NOT going to model the tutu for you I decided to make the only male in our house show off my creation.


Is it me or does he seem unimpressed?

September

So we went to the doctor today to see if Melissa had any bad side effects to the Clomid. Like we expected everything was normal and we have a good idea that we are going to inseminate sometime the week of the 10th of September. We made the placeholder appointments today and if Melissa’s body is on the schedule we believe those dates should be solid. If not we will adjust it accordingly.

It is great for me because I can look at arranging my work schedule ahead of time so that I can be more available that we to be there with Melissa. It is important for me to be there for this and I will do anything to make it happen. The thing that stinks is we are attending ACL (Austin City Limits Music Festival), a huge music festival, the 14th, 15th, and 16th. If we have to move our dates back it will screw with our plans but our priority is the baby so anything else comes second.

YAY Ovulation!

Currently on CD20 and it looks like I did in fact ovulate on CD16!! It's kinda scary relying more on technology than my own feelings and instincts. From all the other blogs I've read and my own natural instincts I feel like the situation should be flipped.

So unless the doctor says differently on Friday I think we are green lit to do our first insemination in September. Let the nervousness and excitement commence. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Bring them on in September as they will be much needed as I'm sure our newbieness will shine brightly.

In baby fund news. Our stupid garage door broke and the repair man is coming tomorrow to let us know how much it's going to cost to fix. :( Here's wishing for a small small number.

UPDATE: The garage door only cost $100! Double yay!

I think I just need to breathe

All of this stressing isn't helping so I've decided I need to step back, take a breath and let the chips fall where they may. Today is CD18 and in looking at my chart it looks as though I might have ovulated on CD16 (I'll know for sure tomorrow based on my temperature.) I think my reason for stressing was that this cycle was unlike any of the others. All the signs I used to use to gauge my ovulation didn't appear, but the monitor and OPK both read a peak/positive. I'm not sure if it's the effects of the clomid or the acupuncture or my change in diet and cutting down on caffeine or all of the above that created this different cycle. Instead of concentrating on all the worrying and the uncertainty I need to focus on the facts, that is if I did in fact ovulate on CD16 then the clomid worked! Yay!

My biggest worry is that this cycle will follow the same pattern as the other ones, in that I won't ovulate and then we'll have to wait some more. But since I don't have control over any of this (something I hate!) I have to just go with the flow (no pun intended).

I'll continue taking my temp., go to my doctor's appointment to make sure the clomid didn't have any nasty side effects and go get my blood work done to check my progesterone levels. In the meantime I'm going to relax and go to the acupuncturist and then out to drinks with friends. If breathing doesn't help at least a beer will!

Continuing to Wait

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock. Still waiting to see if the Clomid had any affect on this cycle. I'm currently on CD15 and on my 4th day of getting a high on my monitor and negative OPKs. I have no symptoms that I'll be ovulating anytime soon. If this is how it feels when we aren't even trying I can't imagine how it's going to feel when we hopefully do try in September. Even though I bitched and moaned about having to do a dry run this month I'm getting to appreciate it because it allows me to relax a bit and not have to stress out about timing.

Photo Friday: Trees

This week's theme for Photo Friday was trees. In looking at our library of pictures I stumbled across this picture of last year's Christmas tree from when we were at Amy's Mom's house.

Since it's hot as hell here in Austin I hoped thoughts of Christmas would help cool us down (considering this year we're going up to Canada to visit my side of the family). It's not really helping, but the air conditioner sure is!

Donor Woes

Mid last week we called the bank and were told that there was an "ample" supply of the donor we selected. We were sent our storage/order documents to fill out and we faxed them back over. It turns out that we must have picked the high school quarterback of Cryobank High because he now has 1 vial left. :(

So our our choices are to wait until October when the "quarterback" will be back in stock or go with our second runner up. Amy was more upset about this turn of events then I was, she really liked everything mentioned in the long description.

This whole process flashes me back when we were looking at buying a house, we found many we liked, some we even made offers on but in the end it all worked out and we got the house we have today and now look back on those other houses with wonder at what we even liked about them.

We have decided to go with Donor #2 for our first 3 tries. If it doesn't work out over the next few months then we can always go back to the quarterback. And on a more positive note, if it does work with #2 I have a ginormous feeling that we will look at our baby and wonder what we even liked about the quarterback in the first place.

Photo Friday: Art Attack

This is the first piece of artwork I ever created. We have a huge wall in our living room and couldn't find something big enough to fill the space. So I decided to take actions into my own hands and ran to Michael's to pick up some canvases. Taking inspiration from a quilt pattern I set paint to canvas and Volia! you have the piece I painted above.

On a side note, I started my first round of clomid this morning and wanted to thank everyone for their feedback and well wishes. It eased my worries and concerns taking that first pill this morning.

Crazy Lady?

The moment has come, this will be my first cycle on clomid and I have to say I'm a little apprehensive about the side effects. Let me take a quick tangent to say that A) this particular drug was NOT covered under my insurance and B) $50 says if I was a man buying Viagra it would have been. But this particular post is not about the U.S. healthcare system it's about me :)

I will admit that there are times that I can be pretty horrible (Amy will hopefully jump in at this point and say no you aren't and my sister would jump in and say yes you are (Hi Carly!)) but I'm really worried about the moodiness side effect of the drug. I know another side effect mentioned is hot flashes but I live in Austin, TX where we are in the middle of summer so really how bad can it be.

I guess what I'm asking in a very round about way blog buddies is...Those of you that have been or are on clomid, do I have anything to worry about? I know everyone is different and reacts differently to drugs but what happened with you? Give it to me straight (no pun intended) the good, the bad and the extremely ugly.

Photo Friday: Pink

The theme this week for Photo Friday is the color pink. This one was an easy one for us to choose as Amy's favorite color is pink. Because of it being her favorite color and my favorite flower being peonies it was natural that our wedding bouquets were pink peonies.

We never get sick of looking at our wedding pictures :)

Tagged!

Alright we've been tagged by We Are Fambly

Here are the rules:
Let others know who tagged you.
Players start with 8 random facts about themselves
Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts
Players should tag 8 other people and tell them they’ve been tagged.

So we're going to break the rules slightly and list 4 facts about me and 4 about Amy.

Melissa's Facts:
1. I was an exchange student in Germany when I was in 11th grade

2. My mom (jokingly) told my sister and I that we had a 3rd sister named Bridget when we were growing up and would always compare us to her when we would be bad (Bridget was perfect you see). When I was in 3rd grade I added Bridget to my family tree for a class project and my mom never mentioned her again.

3. I was a really good softball player when I was younger (pitcher, first base and center field)

4. In keeping with the Anne Murray theme from We Are Fambly, my first concert was Anne Murray and I got to go backstage and have my picture taken with her.

Amy's Facts:
1. I can't talk on the phone and sit still at the same time. I have to always walk around when I'm talking.

2. I gag the entire time I have to clean the litter box...so I don't do it.

3. One of the most important people in my life is my Grandma

4. I have an amazing ability to retain sports statistics and anything related to 80s music...Guns N' Roses and Journey ROCK!!

Ok. I've already seen this on the majority of the blogs so I don't want to retag anyone whose done this already. If anyone want to volunteer to do one I'll update this post with a link to your blog.

The Donor

Well...Mel and I have selected a donor and a back up donor. It's very exciting and makes it more real. Our decision was first based on instinct and family history. We also wanted a donor that had blue eyes since both of us have blue eyes. We also wanted an open donor. Melissa thinks we should order enough supply for 3 months or 6 vials (our doctor does 2 insemination's a cycle). I hope that everything works out and that is enough. I know that the averages say that isn't enough but I am optimistic that 3 mths is enough.

How did everyone else decide on their donor?

Pin Cushion

Yesterday I went to my first ever acupuncture appointment. I was a little apprehensive about what was going to happen but all that worrying was for nothing. It was a great experience. I was only stuck with 10 needles and it ended up being a very relaxing experience. The acupuncturist was so nice, very knowledgeable and specialized in fertility so he gave me lots of good information.

Things I learned:

Food:
There are certain foods that are important to eat (not only if your TTC, but in general):

Blueberries:
- contain high levels of antioxidants and fiber
- fresh and frozen are the same. No nutrients are lost in the freezing process.

Apples:
- Adding an apple to your diet everyday is an easy way to increase your fiber intake

Sweet Potatoes:
- You need to eat sweet potatoes with a fat (butter, olive oil, etc.) in order for your body to absorb the most nutrients

Supplements:
I was taking a multi-vitamin and took an extra folic acid supplement. He recommended a prenatal vitamin and an additional homeopathic supplement

Prenatal Vitamin: Rainbow Light Complete Prenatal System

Supplement: Royal Jelly

- "Royal jelly is modified pollen fed only to the reproducing queen bee, whose job it is to produce more infant bees. This nutritive tonic might be considered the bee equivalent of fertility drugs. Rich in amino acids, vitamins, and enzymes, royal jelly helps the queen lay millions of eggs and live longer than the worker bee."

If it works for bees I thought why not give it a shot, it is after all only one more pill I have to take in the day.

Exercise:
One of the biggest issues surrounding fertility is blood flow. That is why exercise is so important.

Even though this doesn't seem very "exercisey" to me, he recommended 3-4 times a week laying with your back on the floor with your butt pushed against the wall with your feet and legs raised up along the wall. Then lay like that for 5min (I found putting a pillow under your lower back makes this more comfortable). This is one of the best exercises for increasing blood flow to the uterus. Just don't do this exercise when you're on your period.

My next appointment will be around my next ovulation so I won't go back for a month. I'm really looking forward to my next visit!

Learners Permit

We went to our follow up doctor's appointment yesterday, with our charts in hand. It wasn't exactly the news we were hoping for but we weren't altogether surprised either.

So it looks like next month isn't our time to start. Since I've only been ovulating every other month and late in the cycle our doctor has put me on a low dose of clomid for next cycle. She wants us to wait a cycle to see how I react to it before we try our first insemination. I'm happy that she's aware of the cost this is for us and that she doesn't want us throwing our money down the drain but we're still a little bummed.

She also wants me to go get my blood drawn next Monday to see my progesterone levels. The good news is she filled out all of our paper work for "The Bank", so we can go ahead and start picking/purchasing our donor.

Looks like it's going to be a little bit longer until we're in the drivers seat.

Our Day

Well, we finally legally got married! It was beautiful and more special than I thought it would be. The day was a blur for me. I have been told many times about people only remembering the wedding through pictures and now I understand. The love and support we received in Canada by friends, family, and strangers was amazing. From my experience, Canadians are so friendly and much more open minded then what I am used to in the States. The whole day was a special event not only for Melissa and I but also for the people that participated in our wedding and our dinner. I highly recommend getting married for those who think it is foolish because it isn't legal. It may not be legal (in the States) but it meant just as much to me (if not more) to marry Melissa.

I would love to thank everyone for their well wishes. Melissa and I really appricate all the support from everyone.

If you would like to see more pictures click here.

photo friday: red

This is our first submission into photo Friday. We've had a crazy busy weekend slowly checking items off our list in preparation for our trip on Tuesday. We decided to finish off the day with one of our favorite bottles of red wine.

Aftermath

Okay, so Cam started acting weirder and weirder since we brought him back from the groomers. All he would do was sit in his dog bed. He wouldn't get up and he wouldn't walk. What really made us nervous was that he wasn't eating or drinking. Even though he is doing better today I called the place where we brought him to get groomed (never going there again!) and they booked us an appointment at their vet next door. The diagnosis is that Campbell has clipper burn :( The vet gave me some cortisone cream and said he should be better in a few days.

I feel so guilty! Wouldn't you if you had to see this sad sight?

Campbell's New Do

Alright, I'll be the first to admit that Campbell's cuteness factor has plummeted after his new summer haircut but I say it's worth it considering I no longer have to spend hours cutting burrs out of his fur or watching him passed out on the hardwood floor panting because he's been baking in the Texas heat.

It was actually quite shocking picking him up from the groomers. We had to check twice to make sure that it was actually our dog we were bringing home with us. In some ways I can't wait until fall when we have our furry boy back.

CAMPBELL BEFORE:


CAMPBELL AFTER:

Countdown

I looked at my watch yesturday and realized that I am getting married in a few weeks. I am nervous and excited. We have a lot of stuff to get done before we go to Canada. We have to finish buying things we are going to wear…like shoes.

We’re going to play it casual for the shoes and bring part of Austin to Canada. We’ve decided to wear flip flops. It’s an outside wedding and we are going to buy flip flops to match our outfits. I’m of course very excited because I’d much rather be comfortable than dressy. The day is already going to be a bit stressful with family and appointments.

I have to admit that it will be the first time both Melissa’s family and my dad have seen us in a loving light. We’re very respectful when we go to our family’s homes. I have to believe that it’s not only for their benefits but our own. I’ve never been a PDA type of person and that will never change. I’m not ashamed of who I am but I want everyone to be comfortable, even me. Oh well, now is the time where I’ll be able to express my feelings for Melissa and in a public forum. It’s our day and the people who care about us will be there and support our love.

The "traditional" couple gets their own dog and pony show and so will we. We deserve this and it will be a special and great day for our family. I wish everyone felt this way, but they don’t and personally it is their problem not mine. Nothing will get in the way our our day…except maybe the rain.

Stress Fest

We've been very bad bloggers and have not written in awhile. When things tend to get too stressful I tend to keep it in rather that let it out. I don't want to talk about it or write it down. I guess it just makes it too real. The latest drama has been with our passports. We have been waiting...and waiting..and waiting to get them in time for our trip. Thankfully they just lightened the restrictions on travel so it looks like Amy won't have a problem travelling.

Things are a little more complicated for me. I've been on the phone with the Canadian consulate, faxing documents to Quebec and trying to find ANYONE who will help me expedite my passport. Suffice it to say I'm still waiting.

On the baby front we are waiting as well. I made an appointment this afternoon for July 16th in order to go over my charts and start our plan of attack with the doctor. I'm very much looking forward to this visit because I'm curious about what she is going to say about my cycles. So far we have:

Cycle 1: Didn't ovulate
Cycle 2: Ovulated on CD27
Cycle 3: Currently on CD27 and no ovulation

Guess we'll see what happens on both the passport and ovulation front. I'm trying not to stress as it won't help either of these 2 things.

UPDATE: CD 28 and my monitor just went from Hign to Low. Looks like I'm not ovulating this month either :(

Little Black Cloud Over My Head

I have to admit I'm getting a little frustrated with my body's reaction to even a little bit of alcohol. I'm not even pregnant yet or really even TTC and I already feel like I'm on probation :( Last night was my monthly book club and I had 1 count'em...ONE margarita and my temp jumped from 97.06 to 97.66. These high spikes make it difficult to interpret my chart so I've had to stop any alcohol consumption.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself because tonight is LOST watching party night and tomorrow is my regular girls night happy hour and it just sucks being the only non drinking person in the group while having to come up with excuses for why you aren't drinking.

I think I'm just in a mood because Amy has been working nonstop so I haven't seen her in a few days, our A/C is broken and I've had an allergy induced headache for 4 days straight.

BLAH! Sorry to be a such a downer.

Family

Thank you everyone for all the well wishes for our July wedding. All the support has made me realize the importance of family and friends. Planning for a baby and this wedding has made me think long and hard about the importance of family. As a child family was very important to me. I lived by my family and it was important to me. It has shaped me to the person I am today.

On the other hand, Melissa was not raised around family. Her extended family lived in Holland while her parents moved to Canada. Although her family lived in Holland, Melissa’s parents made close friends which became family to Melissa. The question I have is should we raise our child by family members or create a family from existing friends? This decision is hard for me. I believe it is so important for our child to have family support around them as they grow up.

My family lives in Oklahoma where I will not even consider raising my child (for obvious reasons). So that leaves Calgary for a possibility. It is hard because Melissa and I love Austin but it is something we may have to consider in the future for our family.

Our special day

We are officially getting married on July 9th. My expectations at first were that Mel and I were going to go by ourselves and get married in Canada. Next, Melissa’s mom, sister, and sister’s boyfriend were going to the wedding. I decided to invite my family even though it was in Canada with no expectations and then…something great happened. My dad decided he would love to go and be apart of our special day.

In my eyes that is the best present anyone could give me. I never thought that anyone of my family would go or even take our wedding seriously and now my dad wants to be apart of our special day. Having him share in this is something I will never forget.

To be honest I was happy knowing that Melissa’s mom and sister were going to participate in our wedding. They are important to me and I care about them. They are family to me and have been for many years. Carly is just like a sister to me and Ineke is like a mom. Having my dad there is like a cherry on top of a sundae. Even though it will be a momentous day it still makes me sad that my entire family is unable to participate. My mom and sister will not be in attendance but having my dad there will help make our day more special. I hope our families know and understand how much it means to us to have them share and celebrate our marriage.

My Rant, My Passion

It’s been a while but I am still here. I am so focused on talking baby stuff and sometimes there isn’t anything to say.

Melissa discussed the possibility of getting married this July in Canada. Some people have been surprised by our desire to get legally married. I find it odd that people are shocked that two people who love each other want to marry. I find some married people take for granted the rights that they have. The desire to get married stems from the normal stuff but also the fact that I am told I can’t and shouldn’t. It drives me crazy to here the other side of the argument against gay marriage. This country is so backwards and hypocritical. So many issues, but it focus on the little things that really don’t matter.

Melissa is Canadian, I am not, and sometimes I am shocked that Melissa wants to live here. She fights so hard to live here while I would pack up my things tomorrow if she wanted to move. Why…..because they would accept me. I know this sounds bad to say but these are my true feelings. I know Canada has certainly has some issues but nothing compared to my birthplace the United States.

However, my home is where my family is, Melissa, Olive, Campbell, and Ivy live in Austin, Texas, and that is the most important thing for me. To be with my family is my priority and if that is in the US or in Canada doesn't really matter. So marrying Melissa in Canada is important to me for many reasons and I can’t wait until we do.

Crickets and Wedding Bells

I should probably start this post off with an explanation of why we haven't posted in a while. A nice long list of we've been so busy, weather here has been too nice to stay inside, etc. But these would just be excuses and the truth of the matter is we've been very lazy bloggers and really have had nothing to write about. We're still tracking cycles and taking vitamins/herbal supplements. That's about the gist of it.

Amy and I finally booked our trip to Canada last week. We are very excited as it will be the first time that we're going in the summer to visit my family. We usually go up every other year for Christmas, but because of the cold weather and the holidays it tends to not feel very vacationy. So this time around we are gong to have 1 full week of vacation, in the summer!

Since we are going to Canada Amy and I have been debating if we should get married while we are there. Even though it doesn't hold any clout here in the States and we already feel like we are married, the main purpose of it would be so that I could change my last name to hers. We discussed it a lot and agreed that since I would be biologically connected to our child that we should have Amy's last name as our family name.

The wedding topic is still up for discussion in our house as to how we are going to pull it off and how involved it is going to be. We'll be sure to keep everyone posted. Since we aren't going until July we can still mull it over some more.

Off Topic Question: Anyone else watching the Sopranos as confused and as disappointed as I am?

I'm an idiot

So we went down to San Antonio this weekend for a mini vacation. It was a muti-purpose weekend, as we went for my 30th birthday (which was March 7), our anniversary (which is April 9) and MOST IMPORTANTLY (in Amy's opinion) the Sweet Sixteen and Elite 8 NCAA men's basketball tournament.

I'll be honest, I didn't think I would have as much fun as I did. I don't understand any of the rules and the only time I know when to cheer is when the team you're supporting scores a basket. Other than that I'm clueless. At this point I'm sure your thinking, ok this is the part where Melissa is an idiot. Unfortunately no.

With all the excitement of the basketball games, nice hotel and relaxed atmosphere of the weekend I forgot to pee on the stick for the machine that is tracking my ovulation (idiot!). I realized right a way what I had done and like an idiot (do you see a trend?) I drank a boatload of water and peed on the stick again and now my fancy schmancy monitor has my reading as low. I was high before and had not yet gotten a peak reading, so basically the tracking with the monitor this month is a wash. The only upside is that I did remember to take my temperature each morning so it could be worse. I'm hoping that I'm stacking up these mistakes now so that when we are in the midst of the insemination process I'll have credit with the universe and won't do stuff like this again.

Proud Moms

Our dog Campbell and I have been taking classes for the past 2 months in order to get him ready to take the AKC Canine Good Citizen Test. We took the test earlier this morning and...

HE PASSED!

We can now take the next step in getting him enrolled into a therapy dog program. Today is a very exciting day in our household and someone (I won't say who) will be getting steak for dinner tonight :)

Sex Ed 101

One of the most amazing things that I’ve learned so far in this whole trying to conceive process is how little I really did know about my body. Sure I was one of those kids who was separated from the boys in elementary school and sat in a room and taught the birds and the bees but that is nothing compared to what I’ve learned over the past few months.

I’ve not normally been a regular girl when it comes to my cycles but since I wasn’t worried about getting pregnant I didn’t really care (I mean who does get excited to have their period). But now that we are trying to get pregnant I find myself getting frustrated that my cycles are so long.

So in order to learn even more about myself we have decided to use the ClearBlue Easy monitor along with tracking my temperature every morning. Although it is on the pricy side we decided that it would be easier to use the monitor over just relying on the normal OPK sticks. I’ve read a lot about how people who are using these sticks have a hard time comparing if the test line is darker or lighter than the control line. This process is going to be stressful enough and I don’t want to have to worry about line colors.

So for the past 10 mornings I’ve had to pee on a stick and for the past 5 days have had a reading of high. I’m hoping that since this is the first time we used the machine next month it will get to know me better and the machine will get even more accurate. As with everything else in the process, I guess only time will tell.

Boy or Girl?

People often ask if I want a boy or a girl. I always reply that I really do not care I just want a child. If you ask Melissa she definitely wants a girl. I think the thought of having a boy scares her mainly because of the lack men in our life. We both have one sister and no brothers and besides my dad and cousin (who live away from us), we have 0 men in around us. Melissa would not want me to say this because of “The Secret” but I believe we are going to have a little boy. I have a strong feeling and I cannot explain why I feel this way.


As the “other mother,” I am in charge of naming our future child. This is difficult because a name is a big deal but the real difficulty is that Melissa is so picky. I have said Melissa what do you think about this name and she says, “I hate it, but you get to pick the name”. It is ridiculous to think I am going to use a name she hates. The name also only comes into play if we have a girl, because we already decided to name our baby after both of our dads. I think we decided this a few years back that our boy would have this name if we decided to have children.

My Sister

It has been a while since my last post but life at work has been very busy. Well, last weekend I told my sister about our plans to have a baby. I wanted her to be the next person to hear about our news but it did not turn out that way. Come to find out two of my family members posted comments (thanks for the support) without hearing it from Melissa or myself. I started to panic and having flashbacks about her finding out about Melissa and me (from a 3rd party) so I called her before someone else told her the news.

The Reaction

Well it could have been worse…She thanked me for not being the last to be told and said, “You know I love you and Melissa but you know it’s against my beliefs”. My sister has always been kind to Melissa and myself. Melissa and I both get along great with Jennifer and her husband Chris but there is always that feeling of awkwardness. I love Jenn but knowing she is against my love for Melissa is very hard to ignore. I always fear her rejection of us because of her strong beliefs. But against many odds Jennifer has not shut Melissa or me out of her life. We talk about things we can relate to like movies, old television shows, and Jenn’s addiction to Sonics route 44 Dr. Pepper drinks. It is weird because there is always a big elephant in the room when Jenn and I talk but I am happy that we both try even though we have different opinions. She is my sister and I will always care about her even if she disapproves of my lifestyle or I disapprove of hers.

The Secret

Ever since it was featured on Oprah last week, I've been seeing and hearing about "The Secret" everywhere. I've seen it on TV, on blogs, on bulletin boards and the last instance was from my own mother. The basic gist of The Secret is: if you believe it and visualize it, it will happen. The reason I bring this up is that my mom was thinking that we are being a little too pessimistic about this whole process and that based on the principles of The Secret we are more or less just asking for this not to be the easiest of processes (not her exact words just my interpretation, sorry mom if I mis-sorta-quoted you).

I get the whole idea of The Secret. I learned this at a very young age when not wanting to go to school I would fake sick and then I'd truly end up getting sick. Our rationale for being cautious and what we feel is realistic about this entire process is more or less a protection mechanism. I've always tried not to get too excited about something just in case it didn't work or happen in the way I anticipated. That way (theoretically)it wouldn't hurt or be as disappointing.

So in order to make everything right with the universe (and my mom), I'll put it out there:

We believe that this will be an exciting, easy and uncomplicated process.

For the record that sentence took 5 minutes to write and another 10 not to delete. Who knew optimism could be so damn difficult?

The Journey

One concern I have is that we will spend our entire savings and still not have a baby. We have worked so hard to prepare both financially and mentally for a child. I think one thing we are not prepared for is that it won’t work. I have read so many stories of tragedy and happiness. But in each story of happiness there is an obstacle that one has to overcome. Many of the success stories have tragedies at one point in their experience. So what I take from that is maybe we will have some bumps or even mountains but the end result is worth all the sacrifices we may make during our journey.

One more thing.....

Mel and I have told 5 members of our families about our plans. We were really hopeful that they would be happy and excited to hear our news. The great news is that all five were very excited about the news. With or without their blessing we would still want a baby but having people we care about support our decision makes it so much more exciting.

We still haven't told everyone (mainly from my side of the family). I am concerned my sister will not support or recognize the baby as being her niece or nephew unless I am the birth mother. Her beliefs and mine differ but I still love her. She is kind to both Melissa and I but I can't help but wonder if she acknowledges our relationship.

I hope that when I tell my sister about our plans she will be as excited as the five other family members but I remain guarded. I plan to tell her before the insemination process begins. (that gives me at least 3 more months) Knowing me I will wait until the last minute.

Babies Babies Everywhere

One thing I have noticed since we started the baby-planning process is the number of babies and pregnant people that are all around. It makes me dream of the possibilities and become even more excited about having a baby.

Melissa and I printed a list of 15 possible donors and we separately ranked the ones we liked. I was surprised to find how similar our rankings were. Our first three were in the exact order and our bottom 5 was the same but in a different order. It shocked me but made me realize that Melissa and I are on the same page and will have an easier time agreeing on a donor. I know we are premature in looking for donors but we want to research as much as we can before we begin.

Since starting the blog I have read so many other blogs. I find you learn so much more from your peers on blogs. Thanks to everyone for sharing so much helpful information.

How do you like them apples

This is nothing like buying apples at the grocery store. If only it were that easy.

Bruises or soft spots…no…purchase.

But alas there is way more to it than that. Even though we aren’t even going to start the insemination process until early summer we were too excited to sit on our hands and do nothing so we decided to go window shopping.

Amy and I decided on 3 main criteria (aside from Caucasian) for our donor:

1. Open donor – this was a bit of a debate in our house, but in the end we decided it was important that our child be afforded the opportunity to contact the donor if he/she wanted.

2. Blue eyes – we both have blue eyes so this was a give in.

3. Over 5’10” – I just have images of Katie Homes towering over Tom Cruise and would hate for this to happen if we have a boy (vain I know).

I'm sure as we get closer and the actual time comes to select our "Top Three" our tier two criteria will come more into play.

Doctor

Our next step is to track Melissa’s next three cycles to find out the best time to take try to become pregnant. The hardest part so far is making sure we have read everything and are being patient in the information gathering stage. This stage is definitely the most important part of our journey.

We will not go to the doctor again until we have tracked three complete cycles. It should take around four months to finish. In the mean time our doctor has recommended Melissa take folic acid and make a couple of diet changes. We are going to use the Doctor’s recommended sperm bank (California Cryobank) and select three donors we are interested in using. We have to select three because sometimes donors are not available because of the limits the donor can be used.

Sometimes I wish I could fast-forward four months to start the insemination process but I guess we should enjoy the time we have now. From everything we have read it will be a roller costar ride once the insemination process begins. Therefore, I will try to remember to enjoy the present because it may be bumpy once we start living our lives in 2-week cycles. But the ride will hopefully be worth it, to fulfill our dreams of having a child.

Beginnings

Amy and I discussed if we wanted to even start a blog about our experiences of trying to conceive (TTC), it is such a personal subject and something that for me (someone who isn't exactly a sharer) will be hard to go through knowing that others will be on this roller coaster ride with us.

But, being a couple that has been hungrily devouring information on this subject we wanted to be a venue for others who might stumble across this blog for them to learn from our experiences and hopefully few mistakes. We also both live far away from our families and wanted to have a place where they can come to fully comprehend the three ring circus that is involved in a lesbian couple trying to have a baby.

So for our future child, our families and for those who are on or are planning to follow this same path welcome to our journey.