September 26, 2007

Down and Out

Well my temp dropped again this morning so I think this is the swan song for this cycle. I'm actually okay with it. Yesterday was my big realization day that this cycle was a bust. I had yesterday to be sad, which wasn't helped by going to book club where the topic of the night seemed to be babies. Are people talking more about babies and baby related things more than normal or am I just picking up on this now?

Anyways, today I'm refreshed and ready for the end of this cycle so we can start on the next one. Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement and positive vibes. Please know that every single one of them was heard and felt loud and clear and they really helped me through my disappointment yesterday. Because of them I've picked myself up and am ready to move on again. So I huge HUG to each one of you.

I guess it's wrong to say that this cycle was a bust because I actually learned a lot this time around.

Lesson #1: Keep my big trap shut - We have decided to severely limit the amount of people we are bringing into the "circle of trust" next cycle. I was getting sick of all the "How are you feeling?" questions everyday and all the comments about "Oh, your tired today? I wonder what that could mean?" I know all of this is said out of love but it just added to my anxiety. I think this lesson will come in handy as well when we do become pregnant and we decide when and who to tell.

Lesson #2: The internet is not your friend - Next cycle I'm just going to go on my merry little way and not obsessively look up every single twinge or "symptom" and see if it matches what others have experienced.

Lesson #3: Don't be fooled by the thermometer - Even though it is taking a while for your thermometer to beep that doesn't mean that your temperature will be high. This was my first BIG disappointment yesterday because the thermometer took FOREVER to beep so I thought WOW! my temp must have gone up cause it's taking soooo long to get there. Unfortunately, no. I think it was just too scared to tell me the truth and was holding out for as long as possible.

Lesson #4: Stop Stressing - This one I think will be helped out by following lessons 1, 2 and 3. I just need to try and chill. I am by no means a veteran (and I bow to you out there that have been at this for what I'm sure feels like forever) but I feel like I now have an inkling of what to expect next month which will help.

Does anyone else have any helpful lessons they have learned during this process?


Kim aka Mommy said...

I'm sorry chickys. :o( But I love your attitude!!

Huge *hug* right back to you both!

Lesson 1 - Ditto
Lesson 2 - Hello! NO symptoms!
Lesson 3 - I ditched that long ago. It drove me crazy!
Lesson 4 - Good idea. I'm still workin' on that one. ;o)

Anonymous said...

Onward and upward, it's the only way to go. I honestly hope you don't have to spend 20 weeks of your life in the tww as I have. I have learned this could take awhile. I have learned to be patient with myself. I've learned to put my relationship first.

I put down the thermometer long ago. I'm all for temping to confirm ovulation but, after that I stop temping. Temps are always higher during the end of ones cycle--it either drops and af comes or it stays high and you get two lines or a positive beta. I figure we are probably testing the day of or the day before af is due. I just hated getting my hopes up each day of a high temp only for it to drop. High temps mean nothing unless they stay high and by that point we are poas.

I don't know if this is helpful but the biggest lesson I have/I am learning is...or the thing that has changed most thought this process is: more importantly than being pregnant is my desire to parent with my partner. And that really opens so many other options. Having options makes this process easier.

I'll stop rambling.

I'm glad your ready to move on to the next cycle despite the disappointment. Don't loose that.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you've had to go through the emotional rollercoaster this cycle, but you seem to have a good perspective one it. Though everyone is different, and I might have said this before (if so I apologize for repeating myself) - but I wholeheartedly agree with amyjay about the temp taking. Once SW put down the thermometer, she felt loads better. Our doc said that only about 30% of couples can really gauge by the thermometer...and it can really just make you crazy, and an anxious way to start the day. Others swear by each his own (as with everything in this process)!

As for Dr. Google - s/he is both good and bad. I had to almost take the computer away from my wife b/c she was finding everything and anything she could to gain a grasp on something that really isn't tangible until it starts protruding from the belly. That was, and is, still something we struggle with today (the illusion of control).

Sorry for the long-winded comment/post, but just know that we are thinking of you, and for all of this, the journey will be unique and bring up a lot of stuff, both good and bad. Hang in there, and not to lead you on, but I'm holding out a shred of hope for you all, but more than that, I'm just wishing you peace.

Holly said...

I'm so sorry. It's not fun to learn these lessons.
We also learned the same lessons in the same fashion. It's hard not to tell everyone when you are so excited, then it's so hard when people ask you how it's going.

The whole TTC process is a ridiculous roller coaster ride where you question your feelings, your body, etc.

I'm sorry.

Unknown said...

Our biggest lesson was that the journey is incredibly personal. It was personal for me, for E and for us. Each of us, and our relationship was affected differently by the devastation that occured month after month. We had to find ways to work with each other and continue to communicate.

For example, I see that many people say you shouldn't bother to temp anymore. For us, it was an incredibly important part of our journey b/c it was E's responsibility. It required us working together to figure everything out. We got the same advice, and it reminded us how much our journey was ours, not everyone else's.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you two. I hope you're feeling a little better all the time and it's good that you're up for the next go.

I think the things you learn, the things that help, change during different tries. At one point temping was really important as a way of making jay feel more involved, then it became the thing that was ruining my sleep patterns and adding stress to my life.

Making time for each other and for your relationship is important.

And maybe recognising if/when you might need to step back and take a break (not that I ever had - all our breaks have been forced upon us by other people/circumstances, but certainly some of them have helped to put some perspective back into the equation.

Sara's right - find out what works for you. And keep checking that it still works, because it might need changing.

Anonymous said...

This worked for me one cycle and one cycle only. Every time I started to obsess or even think about my uterus, I would make myself think about this extremely annoying person I know. It worked. I didn't want to think about annoy-o-man, so I stopped thinking about being pregnant. I don't know why it stopped working. I guess the longer I try the stronger the crazies get.

tbean said...

Since I've yet to be in a tww, I have no advice. Just support that you have to face down another try and hope that try two is the jackpot.

Lo said...

We learned that when the thermometer takes forever, the battery might be dying. Get a new one.

And...hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I think you are only a few days behind me, so I totally understand where you are at. I'm also still learning lessons and I think each cycle that we have to do this we will learn new lessons. I try not to put too much on the thermomenter...I just don't trust myself with anything so early in the morning before I'm awake...I know there is lots of room for mistakes.
I have great hope for both of us and I'm glad to have someone that is at the same stage of the game.

CD and SP said...

ditto what everyone else said. try not to get too discouraged--it's rare that it works on the first try, as i'm sure you've figured out by reading all our blogs this long!

and, unrelated--but your dog is do darn cute!! is he a wheaton?

Anonymous said...

i would definitely agree with narrowing the circle of people knowing what's going on. Most of my friends and family just know that we're "trying"--if they knew any more it would be way too emotionally involving.
i'm really sorry that this cycle didn't work out for you girls--i know your time will come, though.

Melissa said...

Thanks everyone!
CD&SP - Yep, Cam is a Wheaton Mix.

Eva said...

What I learned is that you need to surround yourself with supportive people but not too many because it can be totally exhausting. I think you should also think of ways to treat yourself and pamper yourself because it can be a draining and very emotional. I am certainly no expert, but I say, 'keep the faith' and try to take it one day at a time. Focus on what is really important in your life and remember to breathe, really breathe when it gets to be too much.

Good Luck!